The new television season began recently in the U.S. And two writers – Neal Gabler from the Los Angeles Times and David Brooks from the New York Times – wrote about an interesting feature (something you notice) of many of the new shows – the importance of the flock.

When we use the word flock, we’re usually talking about a group of animals – sheep, goats, or birds. But these writers are using it a little differently to refer to a large group of people that are related to each other as friends, family members, or neighbors.

Both writers say that we’ll be seeing “lots of folks (people) spending the better part (most) of their day surrounded by their friends and family….” They will wander (walk without a specific purpose) “into the unlocked apartments and homes of friends, family, and neighbors, at any time of the day or night.” Gabler and Brooks say that television has become a “friendship machine” that distributes, or provides, “groups of people…sitting around living rooms, restaurants, and coffee shops, sharing everything all the time.”

What is different about this? In the past, many American TV programs have been about individuals, close friends, and the nuclear family (husband, wife, and children). The new shows are expanding the circle (increasing the number and kind) of relationships that people participate in.

This trend (the way something is developing or changing) began about 20 years ago, according to the two writers. It began with Seinfeld and moved on through Friends, Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives, and other shows. Two of this year’s new shows – Raising Hope and Better with You – continue the trend.

This trend is remarkable (unusual or surprising) because scientists tell us that fewer and fewer Americans have close friends. In one recent study, 25% of the people said they had no one to confide in (talk to about personal things). Another study found that the average American has only four close relationships, including family members.

The two writers wonder if the decline (decrease in number or importance) in real friendships may explain why social-networking web sites – like Facebook, where you can be “friended” – have become so popular. But they also worry that virtual (online) friendships are a poor substitute (replacement) for having real people that you can meet, talk to, and share your life with.

At the end of his article, Neal Gabler suggests that “we miss the friendships we no longer have, and we know that Facebook or e-mails cannot possibly compensate for (replace, or take the place of) the loss. So we sit in front of our television sets and enjoy the dream of friendship instead: a dream where we need never be alone, where there is a group of people who would do anything for us, and where everyone seems to understand us….”

I’m curious – do you think these two writers are right? Have these television shows become popular because we have fewer real, close friends? Do we really live in a world where we can only dream about real friendship? How does this compare with what you see in your country? Is it similar, or is it different?

Warren Ediger – ESL tutor and coach; creator of Successful English, where you can find clear explanations and practical suggestions for improving your English.

Photo by Hot Rod used under Creative Commons license.

Most Americans have either read or heard of a story by Nathaniel Hawthorne called The Scarlet Letter, which takes place in 17th-century Boston. In the story, a woman has to wear a scarlet (red) letter “A” because she has committed adultery (had sex with someone who is not one’s husband or wife). It’s an example of using shame (embarrassment over having done something wrong) to punish and to influence certain behavior in a way that we are supposed to find cruel and unwarranted (done without a good reason). Nowadays, when we say something is like a “scarlet letter” we mean that it is an unfair punishment, a cruel method of changing behavior.

Well, it appears that shame is back, and now it’s good! According to a recent story in The Wall Street Journal, some psychologists are now recommending that the best way to get people to “turn green” (do good things for the environment) is to use peer pressure (the actions and opinions of your friends and family) and shame. For example, you are more likely to reuse (use again) your hotel towels when you are told that everyone else is reusing theirs, rather than because it is “good for the environment.”  People use less energy in their homes when their energy use is published on a website and compared to their neighbors, rather than simply being asked to cut back (use less).

The new, 21st century lesson of The Scarlet Letter appears to be this: Shame is actually a good thing if it is used to change a behavior we don’t like.

~Jeff

Image credit: “The Scarlett Letter” by T.H. Matteson, 1860; Wikepedia CC.

I’ve always admired people who could look at the stuff (objects and activities) of everyday life and find wisdom. My grandfather was one of those people. So is Seth Godin.

What is wisdom?

Wisdom is an elusive (difficult to describe) idea. It’s more than being smart or knowing a lot. To put it (say it) simply, wisdom is the ability to make good judgments (opinions from careful thinking) and decisions. It’s the ability to make appropriate (correct), practical use of what we know. We can learn wisdom from others, but most probably comes from experience, from the knowledge we gain (get little by little) from life.

Splitting wood

This little bit of wisdom from Seth Godin caught my eye (got my attention) because it reminded me of an earlier time in my life. Until I moved to California, I lived in Kansas and Nebraska – in the center of the U.S. – not too far from Minnesota, where Jeff grew up.

For a couple of years, I owned a piece of property (land) in Nebraska with large oak trees. And I cut dead branches off of the trees to burn in our fireplace. If you’re familiar with oak, you know it’s very hard wood. That’s good because it burns longer and hotter than soft woods. But it’s bad when you’re trying to cut it and split it (break or separate them into smaller parts). It’s a lot of hard work.

I would always cut the branches into pieces about two feet long – just right for our fireplace. If the pieces were too big around (the diameter, or distance around, was too large) I also had to split them. There are machines you can use to do this, but I did it by hand (myself), usually with an axe (tool with long handle for cutting trees), just like the man in the picture.

Log-splitting wisdom

Here’s Seth Godin’s log-splitting wisdom, a lesson for life:

When using an axe to split logs, it’s awfully (very) tempting (looks like a good idea) to aim (choose the place to hit) at the top of the log. After all, if you miss the log entirely, it’s dangerous or at the very least, not effective….

The problem with aiming at the top is that the axe loses momentum (energy) before its work is done and you end up with a stuck (impossible to move) axe and half a split log.

No, the best approach (method) is to focus (concentrate) on splitting the bottom of the log. Split the bottom and the top takes care of itself (happens automatically as a result).

I’m not talking about turning the log upside down or some other trick. I’m pointing out (showing or demonstrating) that if you aim at the top – at getting started – then you don’t split the wood. If you aim at the bottom – starting at the top – then you do. Hitting the top of the log isn’t the goal (purpose), it’s only the beginning of the stroke (movement of the axe through the wood). In other words, don’t focus so much on starting something. It’s the follow-through (continued movement) that will get you there, so the beginning must be with the end in mind. And yes, this actually makes wood chopping far (much) easier.

I think Godin is right – about splitting wood and about life.

*down-home – a simple, unpretentious (not trying to impress) way of life; having simple values or customs (ways of doing things).

~ Warren Ediger – creator of Successful English, where you can find clear explanations and practical suggestions for improving your English.

Photo by Ollie Crafoord is used under Creative Commons license.

I want to warn you that much of this post is tongue-in-cheek, or ironic – some words are used in an opposite way to create humor. I think I learned this from Jeff. On to my story…

If we can believe the people from Lee, there’s an epidemic among men and many men don’t even know they have the disease. Lee is a well-known American company that’s been making jeans (informal pants made of denim, or cotton, often called blue jeans) since 1889.

Let me pause (stop briefly) for a moment to tell you about the –demic words – there are three of them. An epidemic is a disease that quickly affects a large number of people and then goes away. During the Middle Ages – from about 500-1500 – there were many epidemics in Europe. A pandemic is an epidemic that affects entire continents or even the whole world. The Black Death in Europe from 1348-1350 was a pandemic; it killed more than 30% of the people in Europe. Endemic, an adjective, describes a condition or disease that is found in a certain area or among a certain group of people. Malaria (a disease carried by mosquitos) is endemic in many areas with hot, wet climates (weather conditions).

According to Lee, growing numbers of men suffer from shop phobia. As you may know, a phobia is a strong irrational (not based on thought or reason) fear of something, like spiders or tall buildings. What they are saying is that many of us men are scared to death (extremely frightened) of shopping. Apparently (it seems that) there’s something about shopping that turns our legs to jelly (makes them shake because we’re frightened).

I discovered this recently when I stumbled onto (found by accident) a special web site created by the people at Lee. I was greeted by (welcomed or met by) the headline “Make no mistake, shop phobia is an epidemic.” And then I found a video in which Mike confesses (to say that one has done something wrong or that something exists that one is ashamed of) that he is shop phobic and has been all his life.

The truth is, I’ve been shop phobic all my life and didn’t know it until I came here and took this test. And now I feel fantastic. I still remember, to this day, when it started for me. It was Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, twenty-five years ago (Black Friday is the busiest shopping day in the year, a good day to stay home).

Mike seems to feel better now that he has discovered the truth that he is shop phobic. And confessing it seemed to make him feel even better.

What about you? Are you shop phobic? If you’re not sure, you can take the test Mike talks about. If you’re brave (not afraid), you can have your wife or girl friend take it for you! Click on the “Get Tested” button if you’re taking the test yourself. If your girlfriend or wife is taking it for you, have her click on the “Find Out How Bad He’s Got It” button.

From what I see on the Internet, it’s possible that this epidemic – shop phobia – has been around (existed) for some time (a long time). In fact, I wonder if it might actually be a pandemic rather than an epidemic: I found articles about it from several different countries.

The thing that bothered me the most in what I found on the Internet was that many writers think this problem is endemic among men – that all men have it. But then I noticed something else – all the writers were women. I thought that explained it until I asked my wife, and she agreed with them! Now I’m not so sure because she’s always right.

What do you think?

~ Warren Ediger – ESL and TOEFL tutor/coach; creator of Successful English where you can find clear explanations and practical suggestions for improving your English.

Photo by Ilovesorbet used by under Creative Commons license.