None of us will live forever. Death (end of life) is the eventual (someday) destination (where you are going) of all of us.

If you have a friend, co-worker, or someone you know who has lost (had someone die) a loved one (someone they loved), what should you say to him or her in English?

Here are some common expressions you can use:

> “My condolences.” [pronounced: con-DOH-len-sus]

This two-word phrase is probably the easiest to remember and use. If you want to remember just one phrase, this is it.

This simple phrase works in any situation where you want to express your sympathy (being sorry, support) to someone when a loved one dies.

If someone tells you, “My grandmother died last week,” you can respond by saying, “Oh, my condolences” or “My condolences to you and your family” (notice the preposition “to” here).

People also sometimes add the word “sincere,” as in “My sincere condolences.” To be sincere means you really do or honestly feel this way.

> “I’m very sorry to hear that.”

You can also say that you are sorry to hear about the person’s loss, either with or without the expression “My condolences.”

You can say, for example, “I’m very sorry to hear that. My condolences.”

> “I’m sorry for your loss.”

This is basically the same as the previous example – you are saying you are sad to hear about the person’s death. The “loss” is of course the person who has died.

> “Our thoughts and prayers are with you.”

This is a little more impersonal and formal, something you might see someone say in the newspaper or on social media.

You are saying that you are thinking about that person (“thoughts”) and, if you’re religious, praying for that person and his or her family.

It is also possible to say simply “Our thoughts are with you” and “Our prayers are with you.”

~Jeff

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There are a couple of different ways to use the phrasal verb to stand by, and it can get very confusing.

Here’s a quick guide to this common English verb.

One meaning of stand by is “wait.” For example, if a television channel (station) has problems with its equipment, you might see a sign on the screen that says “Please Stand By.” This means “Please wait until we fix this!”

To stand by a person means to support that person even when he or she is having difficulties. There was a famous song (and later movie) called “Stand By Me,” which means “Help me even if I am in trouble or have done something wrong.”

Another example: In the song, “Stand By Your Man,” a husband cheats on his wife (sleeps with another woman), but the wife decides to “stand by” her “man” (husband), even though he has hurt her by his actions. She continues to support him and be with him.

Finally, to stand by can mean to actually walk over to a certain place and, well, stand there! In this case, it means to stand next to something (“by” often means “near” or “next to”).

Just to make things more difficult for you, there’s also a noun “standby” that is related to the first verb meaning I discussed, “to wait.”

To fly standby means that you are waiting for a seat on an airplane. Usually this happens when you change your plans so as to take a different flight (airline trip), and the airline has to find you a seat. (And sometimes they don’t find you a seat and you have to wait for another flight!)

How do you know which meaning is being used? As with most things in language, the context (the other words in the sentence) will usually help you.

Here are some more examples, with the meaning in parentheses:

• “Stand by, everyone! The president is about to make an important announcement.” (wait)
• “Parents usually stand by their children even when they make a mistake.” (support)
• “Go stand by the door – I’ll be there in a few minutes.” (be next to)
• “I had to fly standby because my first flight got canceled.” (wait for a seat on an airplane)

~Jeff

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If you’re confused about how exactly to ask someone to repeat what they said to you in English, watch this quick 60-second video:

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I’ve been feeling rather lazy this week. So it’s a good time to talk about a few confusing words in English related to sleeping.

Sleep is both a noun and a verb. As a noun, it means that time when you are unconscious (aren’t aware of the world around you), usually at night.

For example, we can say “I need some sleep because I am very tired.” (Notice we say “some” sleep and not “a” sleep.)

To sleep (verb) means to be in the condition or “state” of sleep. We might say, “He is sleeping” or “He sleeps at night for 8 hours.”

The past tense of sleep is slept, so we say “He slept for seven hours yesterday.”

But what about asleep? Well, asleep is neither a noun nor a verb. We do not say “I need some asleep” or “He is asleeping.”

However, there is a phrasal verb, “to fall asleep,” which means to go into the state of sleep, as in “He fell asleep after drinking a bottle of whiskey.”

Normally, asleep is used as an adjective (and less commonly, as an adverb).

For example, you can say “He was asleep by 11:00 PM last night” or “He is asleep now.”

To say that someone is asleep is the same as saying that the person is sleeping.

We also use asleep to describe a computer that has become temporarily inactive – “My computer is asleep.”

And there’s one more related use of asleep: when your leg, arm, or feet become numb (you can’t feel them), it may be because they are “asleep.”

All the talk of sleep is making me even more tired, so I better stop before I fall asleep!

~Jeff

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“I can’t be bothered” means “I don’t want to make the effort (work) to do something.” For example:

Elisa is too busy watching TV and can’t be bothered to answer the phone.

“I can’t be bothered” (or, if in the past, “I couldn‘t be bothered”) can also mean “It isn’t very important to me so I don’t want to do it or think about it.”

Dan wants me to meet him for dinner tonight, but I can’t be bothered. I’m going to read a book instead.

Alex is so rude! He passed us in the hall and couldn’t be bothered to say hello.

Notice that we often follow the phrase “can’t be bothered” with the “to” form of a verb (what we call the infinitive), such as “to answer” or “to say” in the above examples.

Another meaning of “can’t be bothered” is that a person cannot or should not be disturbed or interrupted. If someone is very busy with an important meeting or phone call, we might say this person “can’t be bothered”:

Derek needs to ask his boss a question but she is in a meeting and can’t be bothered.

The verb “to bother“  means to trouble someone, to cause a problem for someone (including yourself).

If you have a sad face, someone may ask you, “Is something bothering you?” meaning “Do you have a problem?”

Finally, when you tell someone, “Don’t bother!” you mean “Do not do (something)!”

For example, if you have to go somewhere, a friend may offer you a ride in his car. If the place is close by, you might say, “Oh, don’t bother! I’ll just walk.”

~Jeff

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The term head honcho is sometimes used to describe the leader, president, or most powerful person in an organization or company.

The word head here means “top” or “best.” In some schools in England, for example, there is a “head boy” or “head girl” who is chosen to be the leader of the students, and is often one of the best students in the school.

The headquarters of a company is the main or “leading” location for that business. On a car, the headlights are in the front position.

The word honcho is an unusual one, and you will typically only find it in the expression, “head honcho,” although it can be used by itself. The word is thought by some to come from the Japanese word hancho, which was a leader of a group.

One story is that American soldiers returning from World Word II brought the word back with them and popularized it in American English.

Sadly, I am not really the head honcho of ESLPod.com (or anything else), but I did find this nameplate (see photo) at a store last weekend I may put on my desk.

~Jeff

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