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Husbands Aren’t Happy When They’re Wrong

F1.mediumIf you frequently (often) read the blog and listen to the podcast, you know we focus on American topics. However, I recently came across (discovered; found) a research study conducted (done) in Great Britain that is so important that I had to write about it here.

The medical journal BMJ (formerly (originally; in the past) called the British Medical Journal) recently published a study to see if disagreeing with your wife gets in the way of (prevents) a husband being happy. The researchers hypothesized (proposed as an explanation) that if a husband simply agreed with his wife’s opinion or agreed to do whatever she asked without argument, there would be fewer arguments and less conflict and, therefore, less stress and more happiness for both.

A couple (two people who are romantically involved) was chosen for the experiment. The husband was told “to agree with his wife’s every opinion and request without complaint (saying that he didn’t want to)…[e]ven if he believed the female participant (the wife, in this case) was wrong.” The wife was NOT told what the husband was doing. The researchers asked the participants their level of happiness before and after the experiment.

It’s unclear how long the researchers intended the experiment to last (continue to the end), but after 12 days, the husband could not stand it (tolerate it) any longer. He told his wife about the experiment and the experiment ended.

The results? The husband’s happiness on a scale of 1 to 10 went from an 7 at the beginning to a 3 at the end, and the wife’s happiness increased from 8 to 8.5 after six days; she refused to give her opinion after the study ended and she knew what was going on (happening). The result is clear: Not being right is very stressful for a husband and makes him very unhappy.

If you are a researcher and you’re reading this right now, you are probably wondering what kind of junk (trash; worthless) science I’m telling you about. Well, you’re right, it’s not intended to be taken seriously. BMJ is a real and reputable (with others having a good opinion of it) scientific publication. However, each year, it publishes a Christmas issue that contains offbeat (unusual) and humorous (funny) studies. That doesn’t mean that the research isn’t good, but it does mean that it wasn’t done with complete seriousness. You can read this and other studies here.

-Lucy

Graphic Credit: Used with CC Permission

53 Responses to “Husbands Aren’t Happy When They’re Wrong”

  1. Dan Says:

    LOL

    As I was going through this story, at the beginning of it my mind was like “poor guy”

    At the point where it says he could not stand it anymore after 12 days I burst into laughing

    I need to think this over before adding to my post.

    thank you

  2. emiliano Says:

    He Lucy, and what about doing the same experiment by the contrary, the wife said yes to everything the husband says
    for at least fifteen days or less?.
    It could be funny to make the experiment vice versa and see how happy could be the wife having to agree with everything
    her husband says or does, whay not?.

    Being for so long married I know that Cuca likes to say always her opinión about what I say or do, usually if she agree
    she don´t say anything, only when she doesn´t agree says it and sometimes it seems she is not in agreement with
    anything.

    It could be really interesting to do the experiment with us without knowing anything and at the end exchanging the results
    to see which one of us were more unhappy.

    I don´t think it is a matter of female or males I think it is a matter of persons not of gender.

    There are sure personalities and not so sure, the former doesn´t care to be approved or not, sure people want first sincerity
    from the closest one just to evaluate better the problems inside the marriage or which ever other situation in life.

    Give me persons beside me that say me their real opinión about my questions or acts and I will increase as a good man
    day after day.

    Cuca, that knows me well and loves me, told me always her real point of view despite sometimes I could be dissapointed, just
    the same I always do with her by vici versa.

    That´s the point to have a long long life together, ja, ja, disagreement are always clear between us, just the same as agreements.

    What about you my dear profesor?, tell us something…..but sure you are not to tell anything, what a pity.

    THANK YOU SO MUCH LUCY AND I WISH YOU A HAPPY, VERY HAPPY INDEED NEW YEAR IN ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE.

    My best, emiliano

  3. Myo ko ko Says:

    Thanks Lucy,
    Your post brings mirth and merriment to me.
    When I find out the male spouse no longer stood his partner’s wants or requests, I can’t help cackling, chortling, chuckling, giggling, and smiling! :P

    Want to meet the male participant to find out what his honey asked for or requested during the controlled time!

    Maybe she has asked for paying a visit to my nation, Myanmar, that set him off! ;)

    Thanks,
    Myo ko ko

  4. Øyvor Says:

    LOL..thanks Lucy..good to read something like this..that make you laugh=)

    AS for my husband ..hmmm..he HAS to agree with me always, poor man..lol.. well, maybe I should try to be nicer this year,
    .. came to my mind now what my son told me this Christmas holidays…”you are the only one of you five sisters who can tell your husband
    that you disagree=))) Being married for such a long time..it has to be disagreements..

  5. Tania Says:

    Hi! Very nice and funny lesson, “Learning to Dance”!
    A very good way of relaxation…
    I don’t know why I have remembered of 1952 American musical comedy film, Singin’in the Rain.

    “I’ve a smile on my face
    I walk down the lane
    With a happy refrain
    just singin’
    singin’in the rain

    dancin’in the rain

    I’m happy again…

    I’m singin’ and dancin’ in the rain…
    I’m dancin’ and singin’ in the rain…”

  6. Dan Says:

    Good morning/afternoon evening depending where you guys are on the sphere.

    Re-reading more carefully Lucy’s post, I have noticed that she stressed the fact that this research, or the result of it, is so important
    that she had to write about it here.

    What does that mean? that tingles my imagination.

    Is this an hidden message to her partner, supposing she has one?

    His her partner a pain in the neck and this is a way of getting revenge?

    Again, his her partner always right and she hates that?

    Does she have time for a partner?

    Does Lucy have something against men?

    We only know Lucy as a Podcast machine and she is great doing that.

    Does Lucy really exist? Or is Jeff only behind all this like in the movie Psyco. I noticed that when he sings in falsetto that is Lucy’s voice.

    You guys would argue what about the videos. Sure! Maybe that was Jeff wearing a wig! yes yes that must be! that is wy we never saw Lucy in those videos!

    What do you guys think about that?

    Reading all those Crime novels brought its fruit, yes it did me well. I am getting smarter by the day

    I think we ought to investigate further…..

  7. Myo ko ko Says:

    Hey, Lucy
    Why did you put “e” in square bracket, . . .[e]ven if ?
    I don’t really know its use!

    emiliano, my senior, do you?

    Thanks, as always.

    Myo ko ko

  8. AMIN.Iran Says:

    Ohhhh!!!!!Tolerating contemporary women is kind of bugging!!!somewhat misogynist cause’s of experiencing treachery of others,sense of disloyalty has terribly made me pessimist but I am trying to change this suspicious and undesirable behavior in this happy year.ALL THESE BITTER MEMORIES ASIDE,I love all of you guys and do not allow my feelings influence the way I care for my bosom friends.In my view,u have to borrow 2 additional eyes in search of a good item!being single for the rest of my life is the best next thing to be done!!!!ja ja ja!!!!but please get this feeling of duplication out of your mind hahahahaha!!!

  9. Parviz Says:

    Oh, Women

  10. Betty Says:

    Hello Everyone!

    Dear Lucy

    Thank you for this “IMPORTANT” research. It really is important for me because I can connect with it.

    A friend of mine once said to me that she found her husband very boring. She said he had never argue with her. Her husband replied “yes” to whatever she said.

    I told her it’s very painful to have a husband who says “NO” to whatever you say. You would feel you have married the wrong person/your worst enemy.

    Emiliano you have told us how Cuca is. I can tell you my husband is the same as your Cuca.

    Lucky for Cuca and my husband, both Emiliano and me let our spouse say “no” as much as they want. Lucky also for Emiliano and me that we haven’t turn the house into a battlefield.

    Yes you right Lucy, the research was a kind of junk (trash; worthless) science and it’s not intended to be taken seriously. That’s why you said: “[it] is so important that I had to write about it here”. You meant to be sarcastic. Am I right?

    Life will be a happier one if you don’t take it too seriously, I agree.

    Many thanks again, Lucy, now I know why I can maintain happiness in me because I don’t say “yes” when I mean “no”.

    Look forward to your next article/lesson.

    Best Regards

    Betty :)

  11. Parviz Says:

    Hey Dan,
    You are the cutest guy I have ever come across.
    My forecast is happening now.
    I projected that we would see a new Dan in 2014, And I didn’t expect my wish come true so fast.
    That ”always object to anything somebody” is turning into a just, scientific critic.
    Way to go Dan.
    I guess you and I are the only singles here.
    _______________________________________
    Guys, Let me break it to you.
    I’ve never wanted to marry.
    But, now, after having been writing/ and watching people here on this blog, I think I am in love with somebody.
    It’s name starts with an ”L”.
    Sorry ”L” I didn’t have the guts to tell you until now, I promise to be nice to you.
    And I will say yes to whatever you say, all the time.
    So would you give me the honor and be my GF?
    Best friends for ever.
    Thank you,
    Parviz

  12. Parviz Says:

    Dear Lucy,
    Thanks for sharing with us this interesting research.
    I have done some researches before for my master’s degree.
    And I know one or two things about researching.
    For those of you who want to see one of my recently published paper, just google “Parviz Soleimany, MT145″.
    ___________________________________________________
    Anyway,
    Good things the husband stopped the experiment on the 12th day.
    Marriage is not supposed to be boring, if it means every body should marry his/her soul-mate.
    I am not meant to live that way.
    But, from what I see and here from other people, a couple who have constructive arguments, live much more happily than those who never have an argument.
    We have a saying here that goes “constructive argument is the salt of life”.
    Life would get boring and insufferable if our partner submitted to every of our commands.
    Now, I am a male. And I now I have many flaws, most of which I have acquired from other people, when growing Up.
    I want my partner to get a strong stance against me, when and where I am wrong.
    That may make me sad, angry or furious for a while, But when I see that my partner does this to keep our life going successfully, in long haul I will understand the situation.
    ______________________________
    Thank you Betty for sharing a bit of information about your life.
    To be honest I had a mixed feeling for marriage for a long time.
    The reason for this was people around me, or because I never thought of myself as being a good partner.
    Also I know this is not a practice run.
    So I decided to wait until the right time.
    Thank you,
    Parviz

  13. Parviz Says:

    emiliano
    Another thumbs up for you.
    I know you are not a yes-man to your wife, and also Cuca is not a nagging woman.
    That is why you have been able to get along well for long.
    On a scale of 1 to 10, I might give you 9.
    please don’t be angry with me for giving you a 9.
    I know you married the right person, and you have lived up to that. and so has Cuca.
    For an advice, would you just tell us how did you get to know Cuca and what were you thinking when you chose her (may be she chose you).
    Did you hesitate?
    Please?
    Thank you,
    Parviz

  14. emiliano Says:

    Dear Betty, in general women have their feet on the ground and they know more about real life and subjects that
    matter more tan men.

    That´s the point it is difficult to have the same point of view as we, men, are travelling through the clouds a hundred
    meters above the ground but you women are travellin on the ground, knowing what is vital to living.
    What ne children need, having the meals on the table day after day, sharing the money propperly, and so forth.

    We men are thinking about the futball playing, buying the last iPhone, the last flat Smart TV., thinking in traveling
    to see a match of our dear sport team, in fact thinking the same as big children that don´t think in the real subjects
    and necesities to survive.

    That´s Cuca, she has a big real mind for everything what is fundamental and important just to live or survive.

    Emiliano it is different, he is always above the clouds dreaming just because Cuca has been always alert about what
    is important or basic in our family life.

    So, agreement? Just for the basic and trascental subjects YES, there is an important subject and we find an agreement
    but the for the rest of little troubles or insignificant things, the majority in life are insignificant subjects you know that, for
    these living moments……NO, her point of view are different from mine as a rule.

    Cuca is an adult, I am a boy or a children that likes to play continuosly with thousand of gadgets, books, things in
    general.

    My best to every one of you men and women so different, JUST VIVA LA DIFERENCIA, (Viva la Difference)
    as Spencer Tracy said to Katherin Herpburn in the movie “The Adam´s Rib” incredible good film. S
    ee it if you can, it is a great movie about these subjects.

    The same as “Sining in the Rain” my dear Tania, it is a great movie too that I like very much.

    emiliano

    emiliano

  15. emiliano Says:

    A mother can´t be a dreamer when their children are crying, that´s the real act or thruth
    about a woman or a man, usually men are out of reality and are dreamers but women have
    to feed their children and that is not a dream.

    Well, that´s not always of course, but use to be the rule.

    I am a dreamer, Cuca doesn´t.

    emiliano

  16. Dan Says:

    It is a pleasure and reassuring reading about well oiled marriages out there.
    I am referring to Cuca/Emiliano and Betty/husband. Congratulations guys! that it is not an easy thing to achieve.
    My hat goes off to you.

    hey Amin,

    I kind of understand your feeling since I have been there too. Good luck to you.

    Hi there Oyvor

    Poor husband of yours! Please, tell him a guy from down there Italy want to shake his hand and pat on his shoulder as a manly solidarity.

    I want you to know I loved Growing of the soil, but found Hunger to be frustrating going on reading it. I gave it up at 60% of it.

    I also enjoyed listening to a videobook on youtube of the Little Princess.

    Thank you.

  17. Dan Says:

    Lol.

    Jeff in English cafè 431

    “Calamity, Catastrophe, Disaster all of these words could be used to describe my dating life as a younger man”

  18. Aécio Flávio Perim Says:

    Hello guys, when I see you all discussing about this subject I wonder how it is mysterious. Since the former times, men have been trying to explain how things are when two people decide to get along and live under the same roof. Things happen randomly, regardless the goals they have in mind. I use to say that I don’t live my life the way I want but I live the life that life carries me. There is no way this thing to do or not to do what male or female likes more for themselves. This is not the point and it is better let things go as life says. Don’t get worried about what couples want from their partners. Let it go! But hope things go the right way. If they go the wrong way it is all your fault. Try to do things differently, try to make your partner happy the most you can. It is useless to be happy alone. It is like to count up the stars of the universe.
    Aecio

  19. Aécio Flávio Perim Says:

    To agree or not to agree that is not the question! Sheakspear? I don’t know.
    Aecio

  20. Øyvor Says:

    Dear Dan.. hehe…thanks a lot, I`ll convey your good words to my husband=))) ..plus give him a tight hug tonight!!
    Oh..I understand that you found “Hunger” frustrating.. I did too, until I found a really good narrator..that is..in my own language..then I was lost in that book..
    but my favorite is Growth of the Soil, as I love stories about farming way back..and daily life..
    “Little princess was touching..really good!!

    Btw; Love your posts!!

  21. emiliano Says:

    Why did you put “e” in square bracket, . . .[e]ven if ?

    Sorry Myo ko ko, I don´t

    It has to be Lucy who explain it, as I don´t take the meaning……

    the only suposition I have, it could be to “make it more evident…..? just more “even”……… even in the case of….but I don´t know exactly·

    He Lucy it is your turn.

    Thank you. emiliano

  22. emiliano Says:

    I want to send A BIG THANK YOU TO ESL TEAM, there are several reasons
    but today there is a special one.

    emiliano

  23. Dan Says:

    Ok then,

    since we are in “revealing mode” (see Parviz) I am going to confess I am in love with Betty.

    I could not help it! From her writings I gather she is sweet, intelligent, open-minded, patient, funny,practical.

    It in not the first time I worship her.

    Did I make you feel uncomfortable enough Betty? :-)

    Do not worry, I am going to jeopardize your marriage. It just a innocent virtual love, at a distance so to speak.

    Your admirer, Dan.

  24. Betty Says:

    Hi Myo Ko Ko & Emiliano

    If I am right, Lucy indicates the change of the contents from the original research paper by placing square brackets around the newly capitalized or lowercased letter.

    If you are interested to find out why I say that, please read on …….

    In “english.stackexchange.com”

    What is the proper use of [square brackets] in quotes?

    Dan asked:
    “I sometimes see square brackets used while quoting. My assumption is that they are replacing a pronoun with what the object of the pronoun, but I never know for sure because I don’t usually get to see what the original quote looks like before the modification. What are these called and what are the rules of use?”

    Kosmonaut answers:

    “These are used to indicate that a direct quote has been edited — to fit the surrounding information, or to add context that does not show up within the scope of the quote. This page has a more detailed description:

    Square brackets are used around words that are added that are not part of the original quote. For instance, you might have a source that says “Brenda and David went to the store,” but you only want the quote to refer to David as a pronoun in your quote. So you should change it to “[He] went to the store.”

    Brackets can also be used with quotes for explanation for how you changed the quote from the original source.

    Another writer “Armstrongest” says:

    “They are simply used to add contextual clarity where the meaning is unclear. This is not only in quotes, but that’s its most common usage:

    Original: “I returned there yesterday, 2 hours after it happened”

    Quote: The criminal admitted: “I returned [to the crime scene] yesterday, 2 hours after [the murder] happened”

    Square brackets are not ONLY used in quotes. They are used often in translation. For example, the bible. Although not all bibles do this, one notable bible that did do this was “The Geneva Bible”

    The Geneva Bible translators gave particular attention to retaining the flavor and sense of the original Hebrew. Words that the translators considered to be necessary additions were shown in italics, and text that had been added for grammatical clarity appeared in square brackets.

    Example: Daniel 1:7

    And to them the principal court official went assigning names. So he assigned to Daniel [the name of] Bel?te?shaz?zar; and to Han?a?ni?ah, Sha?drach; and to Mish?a?el, Me?shach; and to Az?a?ri?ah, A?bed?ne?go.

    Square brackets, whether part of a quote or just in text simply mean: “Added for contextual accuracy”

    More to read if you’re interested. —>

    There is a page “Ask Betty” in “depts.washington.edu”

    It says:

    Original quotation: “Reading is also a process and it also changes you.”
    1) Margaret Atwood wants her readers to realize that “[r]eading is also a process and it also changes [them]” (30).
    2) According to Atwood, reading can “also change[] you” (30).

    In a nut shell,

    “In cases where you need to modify a direct quotation so that it fits into your sentence, temper editorial license with the obligation to stay true to the meaning of the original quote, and, depending on your style guide, use brackets to alert readers to changes made to your source material.”

    Finally, please note that “Betty” in “Ask Betty” is Betty Jeffers who was a University of Washington (UW) graduate who cared deeply about English grammar. Ask Betty is made possible by a gift to the English Department of UW from her son and UW alumnus Mike Jeffers to celebrate his mother’s memory.

    Thanks to you Lucy, Myo Ko Ko & Emiliano, I have learned a lot this morning.

    Betty :)

  25. Betty Says:

    Hi Dan

    I am speechless!

    “THANK YOU ” are the only words I can say to you.

    I don’t deserve your kind words. The only person I know who deserves the kind words is Dr Lucy Tse our teacher/princess in this website.

    I will nevertheless remember your kind words forever.

    Many thanks again.

    Betty ;)

  26. Parviz Says:

    I love the princess

  27. emiliano Says:

    Betty,
    I am astonished by your teaching and your work capacity even to search and find what you want to give Myo ko ko and Emiliano
    a good reply.
    Incredible in other person but not in you as it is just you style of doing things, perfectly and completely work, congratulations
    and THANK YOU very much, I am going to read once, twice, three or even four times your note but also looking for everything
    you have told us in it.

    Talking about Dan, YES, I know he was in love with Betty but he is not the unique, I know some more that are feeling the same like
    him about our dear Betty, but I think he is the first in the list, yes it was clear for me since a long time.
    Yes Betty, it is one of the best feeling a person, man/woman/girl/boy. could feel for another person just what Dan said to you it is
    absolutely beautiful and I have to congratulate him for his good taste and feelings, also to say those alous and being more
    quiete now that he has confess his great ideal love for you Betty.

    I clap my hands for you Dan, once and again I clap my hands, it is absolutely good that you said it to her, your ideal woman Betty
    and I agree with you my dear friend, Betty is so as you said and even more, that´s for sure.

    My best to you all.

    emiliano

  28. emiliano Says:

    …..mistake…….please read:

    …… also I want to say that may be these words allow him to be more quiete now not showing so obviously that he likes Betty so much as he has been showing along
    all this past time, yes that´s was clear my good friend Dan, and now that he has confess his great ideal love for Betty all will be calm, …….

    ++++

    So nice good story, I am delighted…..

  29. emiliano Says:

    When the Sun shines everything changes, colours are bright, air is clear and the day is beautiful.
    Aleleya, aleluya, …the Sun shines again and we all are happy.

    Betty is our Sun in the blog, she gives colours and bright to it and gives us happines with every
    one of her narrows beam of light.

    THANK YOU Betty, you are our SUN here.

    emiliano

  30. Dan Says:

    You do Betty. By the way, I forgot polite and down to earth person.

    See, when I saw Parviz opening the dances, I thought “better be quick or someone else is going to take her” :-)

    That is why I have cleared the field and made clear that Betty is mine. :-) of course, in this virtual world and my imagination. ehehehe.

    Well guys, I see that we started 2014 with plenty of love. Good! I like that. :-)

    Thanks

  31. emiliano Says:

    Parviz, the story of a girl and a boy….called Cuca and Emiliano….. too many years ago in Madrid….

    Imagine a girl and a boy attending a class to improve their knowledge about Bank´s operative.
    For the boy was the first time he went to the class but for the girl wasn´t as she was going for three months already.

    The boy was alone just sitting behind the young beautiful girl that was beside a youn boy who seems like his boy friend as they were talking together and have come to the class also close together.

    When the class is finished and there is a brief relax till the other lesson the boy beside he nice girl left and she reminds alone, turn her body, relax it one the wall and turning her head said to the new boy.

    He, you are a newcomer, aren´t you?,
    Yes, I am, it is my second day here, but yesterday you haven´t come haven´t you?.
    Yes, I was with flu and I was in bed resting.

    So sorry, are you o.k. Already?

    More or less, thank you.

    So the work is yours?

    What do you mean?

    The writing about the garbage´s strike in New York is yours?

    Yes, it is, why do you say that?

    Because I listened to it yesterday and I like it, I like your style of writing so
    funny, it is a good work.

    Thank you very much, by the way what is your name?

    My name is emiliano, and yours?

    Mine is Maria Jose, but friends call me Cuca.

    It is a pleasure Cuca, don´t you mind if I call you so, do you?.

    Of course, not, you may call me so.

    But, sorry emiliano, you have started very late, we are attending the lessons for
    three months alreadyl, why are you coming so late?.
    Just, because I am in the army, I am doing my duty as a soldier now and it will be till next december more or less that I am going to be a soldier, afterward I´ll return to the bank.

    So, being a soldier you want now to increase your knowledge about the Bank and get a better job inside?

    Yes I would like to do so, the same as you I suppose but not being a soldier, ja,ja, it is enough to be so inteligent and writing so well as you do.

    Thank you emiliano, you are really nice.

    To be continued……

  32. Myo ko ko Says:

    Hi, my seniors, emiliano and Betty,
    Thanks for your notes, especially Betty for your time and effort.
    Betty, I know it took you a bit of time digging out the Web to have come up with the research-like
    explanation in your note above. I believe anyone who is trying to get a hang of this language English
    will find your note useful.

    Let me say you my hearty “Thank You” for sharing with us the knowledge you have, Betty.
    And I’m on the cloud nine I’m learning English here with the friends who are really so kind, like you!

    Again, Thanks and have a ball, my seniors.
    Yours
    Myo ko ko

    P.S.
    This note is my 3rd note, the former two notes were lost due to connection problem.
    What a pity! ;(

  33. lilian Says:

    Hi everybody
    I think I am too late .I was in shift an didn’t have much time.i don’t no why but I hate to be told no too much I mean I feel I am enough grown up to decide what is better so why should we be in the way of each others. For instance every time I want to do something and my husband disagree with me I become more enthusiastic to do that but just by being approved my eager becomes very less than before.i don’t know why ,I might have a problem but I think every forbidden work are more interesting and exciting .the worst thing with marriage is not be able to accept each other idea .why should we be strict when life is too short . Sometimes we can say we disagree but its just our idea and everyone should decide at last by him or her self because it’s our life no matter who says what even our spouse because we never live twice every minutes is ours and we should enjoy that.i always say to my husband that don’t make your own decision based on what me and other say ,I just can help you as a consultant but at last you must decide yourself otherwise you might regret that.

  34. Betty Says:

    Hi Lilian

    Love your message about how you share your life with your husband.

    He is one of the luckiest people on earth.

    Look forward to reading more from you. Better late than never.

    Best Regards

    Betty :)

  35. Betty Says:

    Hi Myo Ko Ko

    I should thank you for asking Lucy about the “square bracket” which prompted me to search the web for an answer.

    I didn’t previously know that punctuation mark is called “square bracket”. I learned about the use of “angles” ? ? in Chinese writing when I was little, might be also square brackets in Maths, but never in English writing.

    I am glad to learn more everyday here. I feel the same as you that I am learning English with serious and eager learner like you and many of our friends here.

    By the way, do you have an application in your tablet that allow you to write your messages before you copy and paste it into this website?

    I lost my messages before and then I discovered the ‘Notes’ app in my iPhone which will save the messages automatically when my iPhone switches off suddenly due to any reason.

    To be on the safe side, I copy and paste my message onto a new page along my writing, so if I accidentally deleted anything and can’t retrieve it, I go back to the previously page to type again. That way I only lose a small part of my message.

    Hope you don’t have to lose your writings any more.

    Best Regards

    Betty :)

  36. Parviz Says:

    Hi Lilian,
    characteristically, it is very thoughtful of you to handle your marriage so tactfully.
    But here is my two cents.
    Some of us not only need to be taught what to do, but also need to be coached how to do it.
    “If all people act the same, then no body thinks”.

    As far as living in a community concerns, we learn from each other-both good and bad.
    Just because we don’t show any symptoms, doesn’t mean we are psychologically healthy.
    And by psychology I mean the way we merely think and act (please don’t go to extremes, and not when we suffer from a disease).
    So, if we are not taught the right thing, we may end up doing what is not right.
    This was the way I (and the people I had learned from) lived.
    Until some body showed up (at the exact time I needed him) and taught me something about the mind and why I was doing what I hated to do (and I was doing it anyway).

    According to him (Bob proctor), “If we have sick relationship, sick bank account, …, is just because we don’t understand the mind, and how it works.
    Mind is a Mill-like machine, it churls anyway, but you have to put something useful in it in order to make the effort worthwhile (and the result satisfying).
    Most people hate their results and situation, and worse, they blame others for their failure.
    They are simply ignorant of what is going in their mind. (the important thing that many people are not aware of).
    Ask any successful people, in any walk of life, and they will tell you that Right attitude (thought, feeling and action) was the first cause of their success (marriage including).”
    You can apply this to any relationship. Change your attitude, and by practice you will see your feelings will change and so will the results.

    Cheers,
    Parviz

    P.S. my apologies for upsetting you the other post.

  37. emiliano Says:

    Yes, what Lilian said it is my way of thinking and doing, thank you Lilian it is very
    clear what you told us and in fact I think it is the better a person could do.
    It doesn´t matter if we are single or married, being respetful with the other way
    of thinking we ask for the same consideration to us.

    Thank you dear Lilian.

    emiliano

  38. lilian Says:

    Dear Emiliano
    you are right no matter being single or married we should respect everyone’s idea because our feelings,joys and point of views are different.the big problem in my country is when they got married their whole life simplified to their marriage life ,they want to share everything and every ideas so since you never find 2 people with the same thoughts and ideas they are told No too much after a while then their houses become their prisons ,their spouses their prisoners and their lovely ring turn into their slavery ring.they should consider that their marriage life is just one part of their lives there are another parts like our jobs ,our hobbies,our friends,our parents and so fort. I think we shouldn’t take it that much tough ,we start learning since the very early days of our lives we taught enough in this complicated world ,Isn’t that enough?furthermore which teacher is better than experience?it might cost too much but that too much cost is because of it’s never forgetting lessons.so lets enjoy ,no matter what happened,just try to satisfy your feelings,everything will be will be.

  39. lilian Says:

    Thanks Parviz
    No problem. Thanks for telling me your viewpoints. And needless to say your English is very better than mine ,you are a good teacher even for us.again thanks a lot .Lilian

  40. lilian Says:

    Hi Dan
    I think you are a genius because if I were a man I would choose Betty as well. That has two meaning 1st Betty you are extraordinary and the 2nd I am a genius too:)
    Dear Betty love you so much ,whenever you post something to me I will be very happy.lilian

  41. Dan Says:

    Now I know what a Polar Vortex is.

  42. lilian Says:

    Hi Emiliano
    your story with Cuca was somewhat like mine ,just a little different because my husband was my university professor.like too read that.please write more about your memories.Thanks.Lilian

  43. Dan Says:

    Hey Parviz

    Who is this Bob Proctor? I saw a video and he talks like
    One of those people selling vacuum cleaners or used cars.

    I don’t usually trust people selling stuff.

    Thanks

  44. Dan Says:

    Well Lilian,

    I must confess to you that I am a genius, yes indeed. :-)

    I would love Betty even if she were a man. In this case gender does not count.

    It is a pleasure to see that I am not the only one appreciating Betty’s posts.

    Thank you

  45. parviz Says:

    Dan,
    Bob has been my mentor since 2010.
    According to himself, Bob stsrted out cleaning floor then became one of the
    richest man ever lived.
    After he could pull himself out of milions of dollars of debts, he desided
    to take mentoring clssses with some great people, who had been mentored by rich people
    themselves.
    I myself have cleaned floors sometimes, in order to make money for some more importsnt
    objectives.
    You see, I am not afraid of criticisem.

  46. Dan Says:

    Parviz,

    You misunderstood my words. I am just asking that is all.
    It just is curiosity of mine. I did not mean to be critical.

    Anyway, there is absolutely nothing wrong in cleaning floors, which is one of my favorite things to do along with windows and the cat box.
    I have been doing that since an early age myself.

    And there is nothing wrong in being rich too! good for him if that makes him happy. Debt is bad. I hate it owning money to anyone.

    Well, thank you for the explanation!

  47. emiliano Says:

    Lilian, thank you very much…….there we go with the story…

    +++++

    What is this?
     
    How a girl like this one, so shy and respectful as she is, could turn her body to the right and just start to talk with a boy she doesn´t know before?.
     
    Incredible could think every one who knows Cuca by those times, even now knowing the story and thinking how this shy girl
    was it seems like imposible such a thing.
     
    Cuca was only tweenty one but her carácter was sweet and shy as she has been always before and after that occasion.
    Was there something special about this first meeting?. It was like a first watch about what going to happen year after?.
    No body knows what is life and why these kind of events happens but it was really extraordinary that the girl turned her
    body right, relaxed on the wall behind and started to talk to the boy that form.

    He was really pleased with that actitude and the only thought he had on his mind was about how much appealing
    girl she was, how nice and beautiful girl was talking with him the first time they meet and what a pity that this girl he
    likes a lot were with a boy that now was out.
    Keep out as much as possible unknown boy because I want to continue this conversation with this sweet heart for years.
    Being on this thoughts emiliano was smiling to her and having not sense of time.

    But time went on and another class started too soon for his taste, she turn back to her position, looking to the front and everything
    was over to him. The unknow boy was again to her right side and there was not any conversation till the end that they said each
    other bye, see you tomorrow.

    Something happened after that second and it was that the person who was with emiliano, a boy he know just a little, said hello to the
    boy and the girl that were leaving the class as he knew them, and that´s good, they started to talk together as leaving the
    academy and going down the stairs to the street.

    Of course, emiliano changed his mind and thought in going on with them till the end of the world if necessary as he wanted to continue
    his talk with that incredible nice girl that was Cuca.

    to be continue……

  48. parviz Says:

    Hey Dan
    We are Ok

  49. lilian Says:

    Dear Emiliano.
    You are a great writer . whenever I read your story I get too involved and become that much sensitive that I am nearly in tears.you are a great .lucky Cuca. As my friend Dan and Parviz made their choices let me be the first girl who choose her dreaming man in this virtual world before it is too late. Then Emiliano is mine but of course if I had this honor. Emiliano you are one in a million.
    Best regards. Lilian

  50. emiliano Says:

    Yes, that´s true, I am trying to write a short story and this could be a good one.
    All my life I have been thinking about writing anything and now by Parviz
    request and now Lilian, I am doing it.

    Thank you to you both, Lilian and Parviz.

    Emiliano….the teller.

  51. emiliano Says:

    Lilian, Thank You So Much for you words that have done me “Happy for the rest of my Life”

    YES, I am yours for ever be sure about this promise and so exited and happy as I am, it
    is the third time I am trying to write this note so again YES I am honored by your choose dear
    Lilian.

    It is incredible beauty for me what you have said. THANKS A LOT.

    yours, emiliano

  52. emiliano Says:

    I am going to write more about this little story that seems so beautiful to you Lilian.

    It seems very beautiful to me too when we, Cuca and Emiliano, remember it and we have
    so fine momories about those years.

    It has some surprises that you could read next episodes, ja,ja, yes it has, wait and see.

    By the way, all is true despite it seems some how fantastic?

    Thank you again my dear Lilian.
    emiliano

  53. lilian Says:

    Dear Emiliano
    I am eagerly waiting to read your writings. You know everything happens for a reason ,as I can see coming to this site just to learn English but ends up in having such a great friend like you . That’s why Paolo Coelho says we should follow the signs.
    You helped me in many ways even more than you can think by all your meaningful and full of experience posts.
    thanks a lot.
    Thoroughly yours.lilian