QUESTION:
A listener, Yarek, asked this question: “In one of your podcasts (ESL Podcast 499 – Marrying a Gold Digger) you talk about boy toys. Can you use this term for  girls, too? If not, what do you say?”

ANSWER:
In ESL Podcast 499, we defined “boy toy” as a young, attractive man whom an older, wealthier (with more money) woman dates for fun or for a short period of time, without being very serious about the relationship.  This term, or “girl toy,” are not used for women.  There is no direct equivalent (something that is exactly the same for some other person or situation) for women.

However, people often use the term “gold digger,” also mentioned in ESL Podcast 499, for a person who tries to be in a relationship with or marries another person for money.  This term can be used for a man or a woman.  Another term, “arm candy,” is sometimes used to refer to an attractive person who goes with someone to a public event, mainly so that this person can show off (display for other people to see) and gain status (how other people think of you socially or professionally) by being with a beautiful or handsome person.  Sometimes, the “arm candy” is not romantically involved with that person and sometimes they are.  If you see a famous singer or movie star with a lot of models (people who are paid to wear clothes and other things for display or for photographs) with them, these models may be arm candy.  For example, Jeff never goes to a party without 10 women as arm candy.

If Jeff divorces (legally ends his marriage with) his wife and marries one of these models, he may have wanted a “trophy wife.” A trophy is an object, often made of metal or stone, that is used as a prize for winning a contest or for rewarding success (see picture).  A trophy wife or a trophy husband (possible, but rarely used), then, is a wife or husband who is a symbol, or something to show other people, of your success or status.

All of these terms — “boy toy,” “gold digger,” “arm candy,” and “trophy wife” — are derogatory or insulting.  By using one of these, you are saying that the relationship is not based on caring or love, but instead, based on one’s looks (appearance) or money.

Thanks for the questions, Yarek, and I hope this is useful.

~ Lucy

Usually the word naked means without clothes. But the writer isn’t writing about naked musicians! He uses this familiar word in a different way to say something about jazz.  I’ll show you what he said, but before I do, let me tell you a little about jazz.

Jazz is a kind of music that began around 1900 in the southern part of the U.S. The earliest jazz musicians were African Americans. Today, jazz is popular around the world. In traditional jazz, each song is a kind of musical conversation. During the song, the musicians listen to each other, and each one adds musical ideas to the conversation. Each time they perform a song, the conversation is different. When jazz musicians add something to the musical conversation, they improvise, which means to compose (invent or make up) while they are playing or singing. This is the most important characteristic, or part, of traditional jazz.

You can listen to a very good example of improvisation in this recording of The Thrill is Gone by B.B. King. He sings in the first part of the song, but from the middle to the end, there is a wonderful, mostly quiet, conversation between King, who plays the guitar, and the piano. Occasionally, you can hear a second guitar adding to the conversation. If you listen carefully, you’ll hear them “speak” to and “answer” each other and keep the conversation going.

Now, let’s return to jazz and naked communication. Here’s what Reynolds writes in his article:

Jazz is one of the purest (most complete; not mixed with anything else) forms of self-expression. We need more jazz in this world. Jazz is also the epitome (the best example) of naked communication. The legendary (famous because of great ability) jazz musician Don Cherry said that “music is one of the arts that make a person completely naked.” … This is especially true for jazz.

Reynolds describes a CD – Lucky by Molly Johnson – he received as a gift. After he listened to it, he wrote that Johnson’s interpretation of (the way she sang) the song Summertime is a lovely example of naked communication. And then, he adds a list of words to help us understand what he meant.

According to Reynolds, naked communication is:

• honest (not trying to show off, or make other people think you’re special or important)
• transparent (nothing hidden, for example, she shows how she feels)
• raw (natural and strong)
• emotional (full of feeling)
• beautifully simple (not decorated; without extra things)
• rich (full of interesting ideas or facts) and meaningful (full of expression; full of meaning or purpose)

Now here’s a video of Johnson performing Summertime. When you listen to it, do you see or hear the words Reynolds used?

What do you think? Was Reynolds right? Does it make sense to use naked this way? By the way, did you notice the jazz conversation between the other two musicians when Johnson wasn’t singing?

I think Reynolds’ description is very good. And I think she’s very good. In fact, as soon as I finish writing this, I’m going to order the CD!

~ Warren Ediger – English tutor and coach; creator of Successful English, where English learners can learn how to make English a permanent part of their lives.

* In the title, Jazz – The Ultimate in Naked Communication, ultimate means the best example of naked communication.

QUESTION
Carles from Catalonia wants to know the difference between the words “merry” and “happy,” and why we use each of these for phrases like “Happy Birthday” and “Merry Christmas.”

ANSWER
Both “merry” and “happy” are used in expressions to wish other people a good holiday or celebration.  When we use it in this context (situation), both “merry” and “happy” mean the same thing.  However, these two words actually have slightly different meanings.

“Happy” means feeling or showing pleasure and contentment (being satisfied with one’s life or one’s situation). If you get a promotion (better, higher-level job) at work, you may feel happy.  If you wake up to a beautiful day with good weather, you may feel happy.  If you hear Jeff singing, you might also feel happy.

“Merry” means cheerful and lively (active; full of energy).  While happy is used all the time these days, merry is considered an old-fashioned word that is most often found in older literature (books and other writings). If you read Charles Dickens or Louisa May Alcott, for example, you may come across sentences like these:
- “The streets were full of merry people celebrating the new year.”
- “Everyone at the party had a merry time.”

These days, the only time you’ll see or hear “merry” is in the phrase “Merry Christmas.” For most other holidays and celebrations, we use “happy,” such as in: “Happy New Year,” “Happy Halloween,” and “Happy Thanksgiving.”

Thanks, Carles, for the question, and I hope that those of you in the U.S. had a happy Fourth of July this past Sunday.

~ Lucy

QUESTION:
Emiliano from Spain, and friend of the podcast, is reading a book in English and wants to know if the sentence “You have a job to do” is correct or if it should be “You have a work to do.”

ANSWER:
Both of these sentences are correct and commonly-used in English:
“You have a job to do.”
“You have work to do.”  (We would not say, “We have a work to do.”)

The reason we say “a job” and “work” (without the article “a”) is because “job” is a count noun and “work” is a mass noun.  A count noun allows you to put an article (“a” or “the”) in front of it or to put a number in front of it:  “a job,” “the job,” “one job,” “two jobs,” “three jobs,” etc.  Mass nouns, such as “work,” do not take an article (not “a work” or “the work) and we cannot say “one work,” “two works,” etc.

Both sentences — “You have a job to do.” and “You have work to do.” — mean about the same thing, that you have tasks or work that needs to be completed.  However, “a job” may sometimes be used to refer to a specific task, often something that you have already talked about or referred to earlier in the conversation or that both people know about.  Here are a couple of examples:
A:  “Firing (dismissing someone from his/her job) employees isn’t easy.”
B:  “No, it isn’t easy, but I have a job to do and I plan to do it.”
…
Lucy:  “Why are you working so late?”
Jeff:  “I have a job to do and I’m not leaving until it’s done.”

“You have work to do” can be used to refer to a specific task, but may also be used more generally to say that this person should be working, not doing something else, like having fun.
- “Why is everyone standing around?  You all have work to do.”
…
Lucy:  “Today is Friday. Why can’t we leave work early?”
Jeff:  “We have work to do.  This is no time to think about goofing off (playing or having fun when we should be working).”

Thanks to Emiliano for the question and I hope this is helpful.

~ Lucy

QUESTION:
Johan from the Netherlands asks about the difference between “house” and “home.”

ANSWER:
The terms “house” and “home” are often used to mean the same thing: the place where you live.  In many situations, these two words can be used interchangeably (one for the other).  In the following sentences, the speaker is referring to the building or rooms where he/she lives:
- “Come home/to my house with me this afternoon and I’ll help you with your homework.”
- “The houses/homes on this street were all built in 1952.”
- “I left my glasses at home/my house and can’t see well enough to drive.”

However, these two terms can also have slightly different meanings.  You would only use house to refer to a stand-alone (not attached to something else) building where you live.  An apartment (a room/set of rooms in a building you rent), condominium/condo (like an apartment, but you can own your own unit), townhouse (like a house, but shares a wall with the house next to it, usually with a smaller yard than a house or no yard) are not usually called “houses.”  On the other hand, you can use “home” to refer to any space where you live and sleep, including a house, apartment, condo, townhouse, etc.  A good way to think about it is that “home” is the more general term and “house” is one type of “home.”

Keep in mind, however, that when people hear the word “home,” they often think of something else, something more than just a building or a room.  We often associate (connect) “home” with a feeling of belonging and with a place where we feel comfortable.  That’s why there are expressions like these:  “Home is where the heart is,” meaning anywhere can be a home as long as the people you love and care about are there; “home sweet home,” which is something people say when they return to their home and are very glad to be there; and “a place to call home,” which is a place where a person feels he or she belongs.  There is even an old song called “A House is Not a Home,” meaning that a building or room cannot make you feel like you belong there or that your house is not necessarily where you can find the people you love.

In his question, Johan also asked why “home” — if it has this meaning of being the comfortable place where people feel they belong — is also used in expressions like “homes for sale”?  There are two possible reasons.  “Homes for sale” is a common expression real estate agents (professionals selling homes, buildings, and land) use.  One reason they use “homes” instead of “house” is that what they’re selling may actually not be a stand-alone or single-family (intended for one family) house, but a condo or a townhouse.  A second reason may be that the real estate agent wants you to think about the property they’re selling you as a home, a place that is comfortable and a place where you belong, not merely (only) a building or a set of rooms.

So, a “house” can be a “home” and a “home” can be a “house,” depending on what you really mean.

Thanks to Johan for the question and I hope this helps.  I also hope that you all have a place where you can call home.

~ Lucy

Lexicalist calls itself a “demographic dictionary of modern American English.” You won’t learn much about the meanings of words there, but you will find out who’s talking about what and where they’re doing the talking. It’s a lot of fun!

Demographics refers to groups of people that are a part of the total population. One common demographic would be gender – men and women. Age group would be another demographic – people from 12-17, 18-24, 25-34, etc. Geography is another demographic – people who live in California, Kansas, or Kentucky, for example.

According to Lexicalist, their computers read “through millions of words of chatter (talk, often about unimportant things) on the Internet to analyze how certain demographics talk and what kinds of things they talk about.” Currently (at this time) they break this information down (divide the information) into three kinds of demographics: gender, age, and geography.

Let’s try a Lexicalist search and see what happens. Jeff and I have been talking about the Apple iPad recently. Let’s see if he and I are the only ones.

I typed “apple ipad” into the search window, clicked on “Search Keyword,” and found … some surprises! Here’s what I found:

• People are talking about Apple iPads 55% less today than they were a month ago. This is what we call a trend (the direction something is changing). Lexicalist tells you if people are talking about something more, less, or the same as they were one month ago.
• A map of the United States that shows where people are talking about Apple iPads. If a state is light blue, more people are talking about something. Dark blue is less, and black is even less. If I click on the map, I see a table (rows and columns of names and numbers, like a spreadsheet) that shows me how many people in each state are talking about the iPad. I was surprised that more people are talking about the iPad in Oregon than in California. Obviously, they didn’t count Jeff or me!
• A pie chart (information arranged like a picture) that compares the number of men and women talking about the iPad. A pie chart looks like it sounds and is a good way to compare parts of the whole (the total is always 100%). Is it really possible that more women are talking about the iPad than men? I’m not sure about that!
• A bar chart that compares the number of people in each age group that are talking about the iPad. The length of each bar (a colored rectangle) shows how many people in one age group are talking about the iPad compared to people in other age groups. It looks like people from 45-64 are talking about the iPad more than anyone else. Once again, if you click on the chart, you’ll see a table with the numbers that were used to make the bar chart.

Take a minute to check out (look at) Lexicalist. Try comparing the three slang expressions they have on the home page – omg (oh my gosh or oh my god), bruh (brother or friend), and groovy (cool). I smiled when I saw the ages of people using “omg” and “groovy,” and where they use “bruh.”

What words did you try? Did you discover anything interesting or surprising?

~ Warren Ediger – ESL tutor and coach, creator of www.successfulenglish.com where you can learn more about how to improve your English.

The first is birthday suit or to be in one’s birthday suit.  If you are in your birthday suit, you are naked, you have no clothes on, you are wearing nothing.  In other words, we use it as a euphemism (an indirect or not-as-strong word/phrase) for naked.  I would guess that we use this expression because we were all born naked — at least I was.

Here are a couple of examples of how to use this idiom:
- “There’s someone at the front door, but I can’t open it right now because I’m in my birthday suit!”
- “Have you seen the pictures of Jeff when he was a baby in his birthday suit?”

The second idiom is icing on the cake.  The icing is the very sweet coating used to decorate the outside of a cake, especially a birthday cake, made with sugar, butter, water, eggs, and milk.  Icing on the cake is a phrase we use to describe something that makes a good thing even better, something that makes a good situation even better.

For example, if you were offered your dream job (the best job you can imagine) with a very good salary, and then were told that you would also be given a house to live in and a car to drive, then you would call the house and car the icing on the cake.  Here are a couple more examples:

- “Being invited to spend a week in Majorca is great, but having my friend cook for me all week is icing on the cake.”
- “I like spending time with my kids and it’s icing on the cake when they’re all behaving so well.”

I hope that everything you get is icing on the cake and that you’re never caught in your birthday suit!

~ Lucy

QUESTION:
Ryan in China wants to know when it is acceptable to call people by their first names and by their last names.

ANSWER:
Americans tend to allow (and prefer) others to call them by their first names in many or most situations.  With friends and family, nearly everyone calls each other by their first names, unless they are your mother (Mom, Mommy, Mother, etc.), father (Dad, Daddy, Pop, etc.), or other older relations (for example, “Grandma” or “Uncle”). We normally call our siblings (brothers and sisters), cousins, nieces and nephews (children of our siblings) by their first names.

Friends almost always call each other by their first names, or by a nickname (a funny or familiar name).  However, men who are friends sometimes call each other by the last name.  Women don’t usually call each other by their last names, and men speaking to women and women speaking to men don’t call each other by their last names either.  I might say to Jeff, “Hey, McQuillan, are you buying me lunch today?,” but usually this is done in a joking way, with me trying to sound more commanding (in charge) or masculine (like a man).  You may hear both men and women called by their last names at work, however, where the environment is male-dominated or has been traditionally dominated by men, even if it’s less so now, such as in newsrooms (where newspapers and news magazines are written and produced) and factories (where products are made by hand or by machines).

Generally, in a work situation, people who are colleagues (working together, usually at the same level of responsibility) tend to call each other by their first names, not “Mr. McQuillan” or “Ms. Johnson.”  We even call our bosses by their first names most of the time.

One exception is if we are talking about someone in a higher position to someone outside of the company or organization.  For instance, a secretary or administrative assistant may call his/her boss by his first name face-to-face, but call him “Mr. Gomez” to outsiders:  “If you’d like to meet with Mr. Gomez, he’s free between 3:00 and 5:00 tomorrow afternoon.”  Often when we meet a boss or someone in a higher position in our own company/organization or another company/organization for the first time, it’s safer to use “Mr.” or “Ms.” until that person tells us to call him/her by their first name.  This type of conversation is very common:

You:  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Kim.”
Boss:  “Call me Ann.”

If you are a student, you almost never call your teacher or professor by his/her first name.  In elementary school, junior high school, or high school, you would call your teachers “Mr.” or “Ms.”/”Mrs.” (unless they have a Ph.D. degree, then see below) and their last name.  My third-grade teacher was Mrs. Frame and my high school Spanish teacher was Mr. Lopez.  We don’t call them “Teacher,” “Master,” or any other terms used in other countries.  If you are in college or at the university, you would use the titles “Dr.” (doctor) or “Professor.”  (Sometimes graduate students getting advanced degrees are invited by their professors to call them by their first names.) When Jeff was teaching at the university, Jeff’s students called him “Dr. McQuillan” or “Professor McQuillan.”

That’s probably more than you wanted to know, Ryan, but I hope that helps.

~ Lucy

According to Dr. Weeks (she teaches at Harvard), a good apology (1) acknowledges the mistake or fault (thing you did wrong), (2) expresses regret (sense of being sorry), and (3) takes responsibility for the mistake – that is, tells the person that you are to blame for it and admits that you were wrong.  It seems straightforward enough (sufficiently easy to understand), but, says Weeks, many people today think that they’re apologizing but really aren’t.

For example, some people say “I want to apologize for…”  Weeks thinks that this is not an apology, because the fact that you want to do something doesn’t mean that you are doing it.  I want to lose weight, but that is different from actually losing weight.

What about people who say, “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings” or “I’m sorry if you were offended (hurt) by what I did”?  Again, Weeks says this is a non-apology apology.  You aren’t really apologizing; you’re saying that the other person is being too sensitive (too easily offended) because what you did or said hurt their feelings.  You’re not actually saying what you did was wrong (her Rule #1).

I’m not sure if I agree with Weeks here.  Let’s say that you went to a movie without your friend.  Your friend finds out and gets angry at you.  You don’t think you did anything wrong, but you don’t want to hurt your friend, either.  Should you say, “I’m sorry that I went to the movie” even if you are not honestly sorry?  Is saying nothing in this case better than saying “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”?  I don’t think so.  I think you can believe that what you did was right but at the same time not want to hurt someone else by it.  I’m not sure how to say this other than “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

Perhaps part of the reason Americans don’t say sorry as much as they used to is for fear of liability – the idea that if you say sorry, you are admitting that you did something wrong and therefore have to pay for your mistake.  Companies and organizations – and especially doctors and hospitals – rarely say they are sorry for fear of being successfully sued (legally required to pay for the damage that one has caused).  Some U.S. states, however, have passed what are called “I’m sorry” laws, which say that even if you (or your company) say “I’m sorry,” it does not mean that you are accepting responsibility for the problem or mistake.  You’re just being nice.

I’m guessing that Dr. Weeks would not be happy with these “I’m sorry” laws, however, since they violate (don’t follow) her Rule #3 about taking responsibility.

So you can see, the situation is not as easy as it looks.  I am reminded of Love Story, which was not only a really bad book, but also a terrible movie in the 1970s,  which had the line, “Being in love means never having to say you’re sorry.”   Obviously the man who wrote that had never been married.

~Jeff

QUESTION:
Nice from China wants to know when and how to use the word “dish” when referring to meals and eating.

ANSWER:
The word dish is confusing because it has two different meanings and both are very commonly used.

“Dish” as a Container
First, dish is a general term used to mean the container that is used to hold food.  A dish is usually a shallow (not very deep), flat container that is used for cooking or for serving food.  It can be a plate (used for eating), a platter (large plate used for serving), or sometimes even a shallow bowl (something deep enough to hold liquids).
- “My favorite dish is the one with the blue and white pattern.”
- “I need a bigger dish for the potatoes because this one is too small.”

These are common terms using “dish” in this way:

serving dish – a plate or bowl that is large enough and/or looks nice enough to be placed on the table during a meal

baking dish – a plate, bowl, or container used to bake or cook food, usually in the oven
(Often the food is then taken out of the baking dish and put on a serving dish to make it look nice to be placed on the dinner table.)

to do the dishes/to wash the dishes – to wash or clean the plates, bowls, other containers, cups, and silverware (forks, knives, spoons, and other things) used for cooking and eating

“Dish” as Food
Dish is also used to mean one type of prepared food.  For example, if I invite you to eat dinner at my house, I may cook five dishes to serve you: a vegetable dish, a chicken dish, a fish dish, a pasta dish, and a dessert.  (If I were you, I wouldn’t eat any of it!)
- “His favorite dish is spaghetti and meatballs.”
- “I’m full after eating the first dish.  How can I eat two more?”

These are common terms using “dish” in this way:

main dish – the biggest part of a meal. For example, if you ate fish with rice and vegetables for dinner, fish would be the main dish, and rice and vegetables would be side dishes

side dish – a small portion of food, often a kind of vegetable, served with the “main dish”

Note the word “dish” is also used to describe what kind of food is served: “vegetable dish,” “meat dish,” “cold dish,” “one-dish meal” (meaning a stew or other recipe for food where everything for a meal is mixed together in one serving), “Thai dish,” “French dish,” “vegetarian dish” (contains no meat).

Other Uses of “Dish”
“Dish” can also be used as a verb.  First, related to food, we use the term to dish up or to dish out to mean to serve food or to take some food out of a container with a spoon or fork and put it on a plate or in a bowl for eating.
- “After dinner Petra will dish up/out dessert for everyone.”
- “Use this serving spoon to dish up/out the carrots.”

We can use to dish out in other situations not related to food to mean to hand out or to give out.  For example:
- “Every Monday morning we have a meeting for the boss to dish out that week’s assignments.”
- “I don’t think Manny is sincere.  He dishes out compliments to every woman he meets.”

We also use to dish informally to mean to provide information, often when we talk about gossip.  (We use “dish” as a noun to mean the information or gossip itself.)  For example, if my friend went on a date over the weekend and I want to find out what happened, I may ask:  “When are you going to dish about your date?” or “Give me the dish.  I can’t wait to hear what happened.”

Thanks for the question and I hope this is useful!

~ Lucy