What a Guy Wants in His Future Wife
Today is St. Valentine’s Day, a day that celebrates romantic love. So I thought it would be interesting to look at how relationships have changed in the past century (100 years) or so. The New York Times recently published a list of the 18 traits (characteristics) that men most want in a woman they’d like to marry. What’s interesting is how this list of 18 things compares to a similar list from more than 70 years ago (1939). Some things are the same, but a few things are very different now compared to earlier generations (time periods).
Here’s the list from 2008, and in parentheses, I’ve put where this trait ranked (appeared on the list) in 1939:
- Mutual attraction (each person likes the other) and love (#4)
- Dependable character (reliable personality) (#1)
- Emotional stability (not crazy!) and maturity (acts like an adult, not a child) (#2)
- Education, intelligence (#11)
- Pleasing disposition (good personality; nice) (#3)
- Sociability (easy to talk to; relates well to others) (#12)
- Good health (#5)
- Good looks (physically attractive) (#14)
- Desire for home, children (#6)
- Ambition, industriousness (works hard) (#9)
- Refinement, neatness (sophistication and not messy) (#7)
- Good financial prospect (can make a lot of money) (#17)
- Good cook, housekeeper (takes care of the home) (#8)
- Similar education background (#15)
- Favorable social status (from a “good” family or well-respected group) (#16)
- Similar religious background (#13)
- Similar political background (#18)
- Chastity (not sexually active prior to marriage) (#10)
Four of the top five qualities are the same in 2008 as they were in 1939, although they have changed somewhat in importance. A man still wants a woman who is mature, stable, dependable, and who loves him as as much as he loves her.
The big “winners” in terms of traits that are now more popular than before are education/intelligence, sociability, good looks, and good financial prospects. In other words, nowadays (today) men are more likely to look for women who are smart, beautiful, and rich than their grandfathers did.
The big “losers” are chastity (dropping from #10 to the bottom at #18) and good cook/housekeeper (from #8 to #13).
What does is all mean? I’ll leave you to figure that out (understand that; find the answer)!
~Jeff
Photo credit: Antique Valentine, Wikipedia PD
February 14th, 2012 at 1:34 pm
An absolutely incredible list, it seems to me so …..absurd.
I did not do or think about a list of qualities when I met and thought about the girl who was going to be my wife.
I liked her as the best, fall in love asked her for be my wife for ever and it was enough.
Nothing to do with a lists of preferences or tastes.
Love I do think has another dimension.
———–
Talking about so absurd list, sorry Jeff, it is funny of course and to me some how quite odd.
Previous chastity now?
In USA, Europe or other places?
Well, that´s really absolutely difficult of finding in the girl your are looking to
be your wife.
Here in Madrid?, that´s very good if the girl is nice and have more than…………..just like impossible.
More or less like the boy….by all means.
Good cook?.
Never, not before not now.
Cuca did not knok anything about how to cook, if fact I knew more than her.
Afterward she was a very good cook who looks always for my health and
the health of our daughters.
Funny post Jeff, it gaves for a long, very long talk.
I need to read it several more times.
emiliano
February 14th, 2012 at 3:17 pm
nice article, thank you, Jeff.
how about the view of girl in her future husband?
if you have any information please post it!
February 14th, 2012 at 3:44 pm
I finally decided to celebrate today by watching a movie.
It is on the previews. It gave me a good chance to read the post through.
Well done.
Good show
Nice article
I like the listing part best!
All the adj u uses are commonplace. good use of adjectives chief.
Thank you bro for bringing all those good ,practical adjectives in to our lives.
I don’t know about all the ratings and rankings.
Let’s face it. There is a certain amount of uncertainty to all those answers.
I mean ,all those answers change from one person to another.
All I m saying is there are not some Definit answer to them.
They are totally subjective depending totally to the induvidual’s point of view.
I got to say,I agree on some ,at the same time ,I rule out others.
Let’s not for get the fact that there is no accounting for taste.
I m trying to get official to let me teach officially. They won’t. I must meet some stupid criteria.
It is just stupid.
I can make good money out of it.
February 14th, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Talking with Cuca about the subject, she is just a little surprised why the guys don´t ask for
a girl who may tell them good stories like Sherezade or at least being enough amusing and
funny as to spend good times of healthy laughs together.
Good stories and a lot of laughing are some of the best qualities to have a happy convivence
between two people, that´s for sure.
Yes, I like to say that my wife has a brilliant mind to tell me always good stories and she
has also a lot of good humor.
Nothing about these characterists are there in the lists?.
I need to read the lists again and tell my wife about the subject.
Thank you Jeff, yes the topic is really good.
emiliano
February 14th, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Good stories and great humor?
I think Cuca was pointing at you dear Lucy.
Yes, you have both qualities so sure you have to be a nice perfect
girl to be choosen by a lucky boy and make him really happy.
Happy Day to every one of you friends.
February 14th, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Good cook and house keeper is the one of the bottom lists for me too.
Now days, more husband and wives are working together for a living.
So, there is less time to eat in their house and less taking care on house work.
Currently, my wife is not working, but I still don’t want her to be good cook or house keeper.
I just want her to be in good relationship with her family-in low as she always does and want her love me as always she does.
February 14th, 2012 at 11:41 pm
Emilliano, I agree with your wife’s opinion.
Also, a lot of woman these days like the men who have good sense of humor and the men she can feel comfortable when the couples are only left behind. I am not good story teller and I don’t have so much humor. That is why I chose lovely her as a wife who had nice humor and beautiful smile.
February 15th, 2012 at 7:30 am
Man,
))))
I can’t get over of how perfectly u listed all these adjectives.
I mean
On this post ,You are offering us a bundle of shopisticated,classy ,yet commonplace adjectives that me ,myself ,didn’t know like most of them.
Offcours ,I can speak just for myself. In fact, it is an admission of guilt.
After years of studying the International language ,still Words and terms come as a revelation( look it up ,a practical word) to me ,a jolt if you will, that indicates :I still have a long way to go,I still have a lot to learn.
Jeff is and eye opener to me. I don’t take pride in knowing some basic English terms and words. But, definitly i take pride in being a part of an English-learner community group who has the privilege of having Jeff,Lucy ,and warren as their gurus.
Jeff ,
You and your posts . Just so u know,I m hip to your jive
Don’t think ,you can get away with doing a hell of a job teaching is and not getting any reward for it.
I will make it worth your while,chief
You have my word on it.
You outdid yourself again.
I love this post of yours best amog many.
Man ,you are something.
I have had my share of English teachers and tutors and non of them come close to Jeff and Lucy. After all I had teachers teaching me English before,but It is my first time getting the privilage of having two prominent Professors instructing me. It is as amazing as it can get.( thanks Jeff for the explanation of the term i just used once on a caffe, so I can use it boldly )
My last teacher cost me 25 dollors per hour
Guy, how much is worth an hour of a professor , go figure!!!
The bonehead:))
P.S. keep in mind : Eslpod is not a right ,it is a privilege
February 15th, 2012 at 9:46 am
Yes, that´s right Revilla.
After so many years together once of the characteristics I prefer of my wife it is just her capacity of taking
life with good humor, even being in bad condition humor is the most reliably virtue of a person.
The capacity of laughing about ownself or from all the not so important subjects of our own daily life gives
us the posibility of going through the ways of everyday life in the best form to be happy having fun.
Cuca is also a good history and geography teller, one of the best I have ever met so despite the
attractiveness of youth may past the real beauty of the person persists over the years, over the
sicknes and over the thousand of days a couple could live together.
Too much laughs are the best medicine to pass through one day and another making joyful our life with
that girl or boy that once we met nearly by chance.
The other characteristics are something to discover about the authentic personality of the one we love, they
are some how like surprises we could find out just living together for long.
However be in mind that people change along the years, for good or for bad, who knows.
Our task is always to improve and help the other to improve too, just to be better one with
the other and with the world in general.
Cuca loves history, so frequently I give her an history book like her present.
At the end all of this care revert in my own pleasure when she told me one of her nice stories about
history, name of the rivers or why this city name is Vladimir, Alejandria, Zaragoza (Cesar Augusto),
the state of Virgine (By the Virgin Queen), the state of Carolina (Charles King) or Lousiana´s name
(Louis XIV..the Sun King of France), and so forth.
All of these knowledge (too much more in fact )have been transmited to me by my beloved wife Cuca
but always with a nice story added to the subject and a great smile either.
I think Lucy has this absolute unique characteristic, just to invent stories about subjects she
previously see or have read. She writes several stories to tell us with driops of good sense of
humor. That´s is the reason these Podcast are so good, incredible good scrips written by an incredible
good and humor writer.
“Thank you Lucy”.
The stories are told by Jeff, “the voice” without him some of the medulla of the stories could be lost but
Jeff´s voice and good humor too makes them brighter.
“Thank you Jeff”.
Cuca has also a nice marvellous voice that it is adorable to me, so when she is telling me something
I enjoy the story absolutely.
Ja, ja, that´s one of the best things I could ask about a person……..just a “good nice voice” absolutely
necessary if you are going to spend a long time beside her or him. Yes, sure that is one of the
characterists that are not mentioned in the list above, but have it in mind friends it just essential
for a good long relation.
All my best friends.
emiliano
February 15th, 2012 at 3:09 pm
In the universe the life is something delicate between equilibrium and non-equilibrium…
I think so about every couple, any kind of couple without limitation…
Differences and similarities between me and my wife are both important, essential…
To grow up in life together, day by day – this is to me the gold recipe!
Sergio
February 15th, 2012 at 6:11 pm
It is very good to hear that you have such a history expert.
I’m so embarrassed that I don’t have knowledge on the history when people are debate on the historic subject. I apprise people who can discuss on the history whatever it is domestically or internationally.
February 15th, 2012 at 6:19 pm
In my opinion CHASTITY should come first.
February 15th, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Hmm,
my would-be Ms.Right, holding such a list!
Jeff
I’m still a single, so your post hits the spot, well, for me,
But I’ll not be hunting
As far as I’m concerned , I still do believe that what brings two different-sex human beings together is this LOVE.
No other things, no list of “qualities”, no list of “preferences” needed, literally of course!
If a man or a boy is expecting anything other than “love” from a woman or a girl whom he supposedly says he loves,
probably he would find out later that his marriage with her is a lost cause.
To wrap up,
Being a single, if I’ve to say, what I need from my future spouse is just this ever-simple fact:”She do love me.”
you know, love conquers everything!
But I’m still wondering what make(s) one love someone else!
February 15th, 2012 at 10:30 pm
By the way,
) Peter’s always spice up this lovely blog,
), teachers!
Dear emiliano,
I do enjoy reading your stories that supplement to whatever our teachers have brought up here on this blog.
Your comments and Betty’s and (almost forget!
Wish I could write like you all.
I’m sure our teachers (Jeff, Warren, Lucy) feel inspired by all of yours!
I honestly feel that writing and participating here on this blog is a way of supporting this lovely blog. (This is why I’m writing here as much as I can, even though I don’t have my own Internet access at home!)
And at the same time, we’re enhancing our English skills.
Yup, I’ve got many many… “things” from Jeff, Warren and Lucy, when it comes to English language.
Without the ESL Podcasts, I cann’t be able to write like this. Thanks a zillion (you see, mine is more than a million!
And also many thanks emiliano for your stories. Keep up the good work!
By the way, again
Recently (and a little long), I haven’t seen Ethan’s comments here.
What happened to him?
I also enjoy reading his.
Ethan, show up please.
I think our friend, Betty, is currently busy preparing to move to another flat,
Hey Betty,
Will I send you a moving van to help you move out?
I’ve just bought a van from a pagoda festival. (It’s a plastic toy!)
Just kidding.
February 16th, 2012 at 1:51 am
The love has met me. There was no time and no thought to look for any list of characteristics. And this love connects us since more than 25 years.
But if you haven´t met your love, you will think about this points … how should a partner be, if I meet him/her one day.
Maybe we have any unconscious “list” inside – because we couldn´t fall in love with anybody.
Best Regards
Nele
February 16th, 2012 at 4:30 am
Hi! I had thought that you forgot this romantic day: St. Valentine’s Day. No! You couldn’t.
You can’t pass it as you are a sentimental person.
Thank you very much for the cupid card. I’ve never seen Cupid with butterfly wings. They look marvelous and romantic.
All the best to you all,
Tania
February 16th, 2012 at 4:53 am
Hi! We have found a lot of answers in the article “What a Guy Wants in His Future Wife” published on February 11, 2012.
I would like to quote some excerpts. May I?
“Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to reject the idea that the ideal man is taller, richer, more knowledgeable, more renowned or more powerful.
The most important predictor of marital happiness for a woman is not how much she looks up to her husband but how sensitive he is to her emotional cues and how willing he is
to share the housework and child – care.
And those traits are often easier to find in a low – key guy than a powerhouse.”
February 16th, 2012 at 4:56 am
Hi!
“We can now expect more of a mate than we could when we depended on men for our financial security ,
social status and sense of accomplishment.”
February 16th, 2012 at 5:08 am
Hi!
“Even for women who don’t marry, it’s better to be educated;
a 2002 study found that never-married white women with more education than average lived the longest, healthiest lives of all groups.”
“The women didn’t think they could admire a man who was less educated than they were.”
I’d say : only if he does not have a lot of money.
Oh! Not too much education, but he knows to make money.
February 16th, 2012 at 5:27 am
Hi! Thank you for these very interesting points of view from this article.
A lot of new words for me as like: pooh-poohed, patronized and wed, renowned, low-key and powerhouse guy and the phrase “Putting Hubby Down”.
February 19th, 2012 at 1:14 am
Hi! I was in the park to go for a walk. Snow…everywhere only white snow.
Every alley with wall of snow 1/2 meter on every side.
Do you know? On every wall of snow there were written some words. Guess what?
Just “I love you”.
Yes, on the bright snow, the love flew in the air.
February 19th, 2012 at 1:56 am
Hi! Regarding the question what a guy or woman wants in his or her future spouse…
Without mutual attraction and love I think we can’t talk about a marriage just only a mutual arrangement.
I think one of the most important trait is to have a very good mental and physical health.
Regardless of how rich/favorable social status/neatness/pleasing disposition you are or you have, without HEALTH you can’t enjoy.
All is a waste land, a waste home.
And the gold is cold.