Home Alone
Living alone (by yourself; with no one else) was almost unheard of (nonexistent; did not exist) 100 years ago in the United States. In 1900, less than 5% of the American population lived by themselves, in their own apartment or house. Today that number is 27%, and in cities such as New York and Washington D.C., almost half of the population lives alone. Why is this happening, and is it a good thing or a bad thing?
The decline of marriage is one reason people of all ages are now more likely to live alone. But there have been other changes as well. As American society gets richer, more people can afford (have the money) to buy their “independence” and live by themselves. This is especially true of older Americans. Thanks to Social Security (money from the government for retirement) and individual savings, only 20% of older Americans now live with one of their children, compared to 70% in 1900. People live alone not because they don’t have a choice, but rather, in most cases, because they do.
In case you think this is another case of extreme (too much) American individualism (the idea that each person should be independent and not relay on another), think again: most European countries have far more people living alone than the U.S. does. Nearly half of all Swedes (people from Sweden), 40% of Norwegians (from Norway), and 39% of Germans (from Germany) live alone. In fact, the Netherlands, Great Britain, France, Ukraine, Japan, Poland, Italy, and Canada all have more “home aloners” than the U.S. And Russia, Spain, Ireland, and South Korea are only a few percentage points behind the U.S.
The countries where people are still living with family members are often poorer on average, but many have economies that are growing fast: India (3%), China (7%), Brazil (10%). In comparison, many countries in Europe and certain parts of Asia now have shrinking (growing smaller) populations, where the average person is richer but older than in other places. The United States is somewhere in the middle, with growth in the population coming largely from immigration. The future of the world’s population is not Turin, Tokyo, or Toledo, but Shanghai, Sao Paolo, and Surat.*
The rise (increase in popularity) of the Internet has in some ways made being physically alone less lonely, in that you can “connect” with others online. But have we lost something in our quest (desire; search) to be alone?
~Jeff
Photo credit: Gaurava Path, Wikipedia CC
*Surat is a city in India with a population of 2.8 million. I had never heard of it before writing this post, even though it has more people than any city in the U.S. except New York and Los Angeles.
February 7th, 2012 at 12:39 pm
That´s right Jeff, but the subject has many faces.
First of all people doesn´t live in the countryside as much as it was years before.
Second reason could be that the flats are smaller than they use to be, or at least here in my country
and in all the big cities of Europe or other developed countries.
But to me the first reason is that every moment we are going to a selfish way of living and we do not
care about other necesities or we have not a good disposition to share our time with relatives or
friends.
To live in company it is necessary to forget all our own privilege points of view and selfishness it is
out of question to form a couple.
Who is prepared to live that way?
Old people are heavy of supporting and sons or daughters prefer to leave their parents alone with their
health problems and live their life free out of relative´s problems.
I could understand this new way of living as to me is really difficult the convivence with other persons
only Cuca may support me as she does till now.
Despite living together for so many years I really like to be alone half of the time of being at home and we
use to spend our time in differents rooms sharing differents computers also doing different tasks.
She likes to listen to the radio, I don´t….
She likes to watch to political programs on the tv., I don´t
and so forth….
But this is not a problem as we know each other perfectly well.
Gatufo doesn´t speak what is really a good advantage and he shares his time by turns, once with
her and after with me.
With the cat there is not any problem of convivence, just the same as with each other till the moment.
Now I can not support the idea of living with other people that not would be my wife or the cat, may
be I am a lonely person after all?
Yes, I think so and I am happy being by myself….a perfect example of what you said above Jeff.
A good topic dear teacher, it is very interesting subject.
My best.
emiliano
February 7th, 2012 at 7:24 pm
living alone I think it’s drived by the desire of freedom and the craving developed as we grow up.
When I was young, under 15 years old, I lived with my parents. Because I am not mature enought to live alone and still need parents to take care of me and I do not have much privacy and habits which require living alone. But I felt very happy that time. I literally could do anything I want to do, though sometimes my parents showed some discipline .
Then I went to high school which requires living in the school and I shared a dormitory with other 7 roommates. That did not bother me too much. Just in some night, some one snored so loud to trouble me into sleep.
The situation deteriorated after I entered the university. One of mine roommates used to play video games till mid-night that made me hard to fall asleep. Especially in the forth year, I am under high pressure of preparing the graduate entrance exam. The heavy study already let me exhausted and I had to suffer noisy sound of video games. I talked with him several times, but it came in vain. At that time, I thought the best thing of graduation is that I do not need to stomach my terrible roommate any more!
The scenario repeated when I shared the one-room-dormitry with a post-graduate roommate. I surpose that when we grow up, we develop our unique ways of living which make others hard to stand. Everyone want to enjoy freedom, but if we live with others, the freedom will be compromised.
Then, it comes to the self-sacrifice. We bulit a family. We lived with our mates. Living together definively will affect the quality of freedom we enjoyed. But I rather let the people I loved happy than enjoy my own special way of living. Sometimes, my wife snored so loud to wake me up in the night, but I never get peeved and never nudge her to wake her from smoring. Sometimes, I watched the TV show that I used to feel disgusting with my wife, just because she wanted my accompany.
Right now, I lived with my wife and her parents in a house and my mother will move in when our baby is born. It does not mean we do not have other choices. We can afford an apartment effortlessly. My mother have her “independence” to live in. But the olders just want to take care of the youngers. In their eyes, we are permanent children. That’s part of Chinese culture. It’s self-sacrifice too. The olders, the retired my parents-in-law, need to cook for us, and do a lot of household chores, which they can avoid if they do not live with us. But they want to live with us. They feel upset if we move away.
I do not think when I grow old I want to live with my children and prepare thier breakfast like the generation of my parents do. Maybe it’s the self-sacrifice fade away somehow.
So, I think part of the reasons more and more people live alone is that the sense of self-sacrifice gone away.
February 7th, 2012 at 9:31 pm
Hmm,
I think so, Jeff.
Now I’m alone, accessing your blog, having left my sweetheart alone at the apartment!
Just kidding.
Thanks.
February 7th, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Man,
Marriage has always been overrated.
What would I get married whereas there are a lot of subtitute to marriage out there that are equally beneficial and less harmful.
Why would I go out of my way and share my space with sbelse who are different with me in every level,just to fill up my aline time.
Why would I being this to my self.
Why would I tie myself down where as I have options to entertain myself with sth more suitable than a whiny woman or man who is critical of my every move. Don’t snap at me. You know that I m right.
Back then , when TV was not the focal point of every leaving room rather house yet,Marriage was almost the only way of life. people didn’t have much of an option.
So,as puberty hit , they got married.
Now,it is different. People are more educated , intellectual ,and more importantly wised up:))))))
Now ,with the advance of technology , people have found themselves more reclined to tie the knot with the silent partner called internet. A true partner that is less whiny and more amusing.
I m not maried , no kids , no girlfriends ,still never feel lonely.
Never want to shack up with an old ball and chain;)))
By for now
February 8th, 2012 at 2:29 am
In my country (Iran) most of people prefer to live with their family members. however in large cities like Tehran, there are lots of people who live by themselves. Most of them have left their home towns for studying in the universitys of the other cities, or for their jobs. But in our culture family relationship is very important and appriciated and I think this is the reason than people tend to live with their family members.
February 8th, 2012 at 3:26 am
Yeah i really agree with this idea! It’s the reality of every modern person, i mean not that older people are not able to use and to live in this “tecnology time” but they lived in a time that they had time to rest during the day and when arrive at home give attention for children, cook and so forth. But actually, nowaday we don’t have time to us anymore, we got to concentrate in our jobs and stduy very hard, so maybe that’s why this idea is growing up so fast, after we achieved eveything that we wanted when we were younger we might think about getting married or make a family! that’s the way i see the world today!
Thanks.
By the Way, i live in Brazil, specially in São Paulo (with U in the middle), the biggest city of south america and for sure it’s a good city, crazy as New York!
Nice text!
February 8th, 2012 at 6:28 am
Hi! “February” by Christina Rossetti
“Brother, joy to you!
I’ve brought some snowdrops; only just a few,
But quite enough to prove the world awake,
Cheerful and hopeful in the frosty dew
And for the sun’s sake.”
All the best to you all,
Tania
February 8th, 2012 at 7:44 am
I like this subject, Jeff.
Sometimes I prefer being alone, sometimes I like being in company with.
Here is my situation: I am in a relationship for many years, almost twenty years, but my boyfriend and I have our own home.
My boyfriend comes to visit me in the middle of the week, and I visit him during the weekend.
It’s perfect like that, we have some days alone and we spend some days together.
He likes the suburbs, I don’t, he likes working in the garden, I don’t; I prefer a condo in a big city, he likes a country house.
Have good day everybody,
Suzanne
February 8th, 2012 at 9:52 am
Ghazaleh
I enjoyed your line about family virtue and everything
For what it is worth, You are a good writer.
The marital sratus you guys got going on down thre is par for the course in the countries who adopted more of a collectvism than an individualism culture.
I like to see more of you around the blog.
It is my first time niticing you, so ,a belated welcome is in order:)
Nice piece ,you got there. Kudos on that
Keep up the good work my friend.
Just out of curiosity ,
Judging From your writing stlye i can tell that you live in an English-speaking country, right?
Yours
February 8th, 2012 at 9:08 pm
Hello everybody,
I share one house with my grandma, parents, husband, 2 children and one dog. I´m sure all of us sometimes dream about a remote area but on the other hand we are very happy to always have somebody to share ideas, information, emotions,…. with
On balance I can´t imagine any better way how to learn what love is about.
February 8th, 2012 at 10:26 pm
Weather it is a good thing or a bad? I think there is no general answer. If you do it by choise, than it will be good.
I mean living alone in a flat means not always living lonely. You are at work, you go to sports, you go with friends and the dogs and so on.
Today it’s much easier to live alone, you don’t need so much time to bay and prepare food or to prepare enough wood for the heater. I think this are also points why it is not so necesarry to live in a team, in a family.
Today we have the possibility to change the “team”, not only to live with family members but also with friends, I think that´s good.
Best regards
Nele
February 9th, 2012 at 6:13 am
This phenomenon is everywhere in the world. It’s not bad and not good. It’s kind of the social evolution. Now women know that they can live how they want even without men.
In the past, girls were raised as future wifes and mothers. It was their main and only mission. When there was a moment to get married, they obediently became the wives of their often not very worthy husbands. But they lived this way all their lives, because they thought they ought to. Nowadays the situation have changed. Women understood that besides mothers and wives they can be, say, the good professional, the personalities with their own interests and opinions. I think that’s good. Now only marriages based on love or friendship have their future.
I can’t see any other reason to get married. When I hear from a man something like: “It’s time to find a wife. I need to find a nice, neat, housewifely woman to take care of me, also she should cook well and … And maybe it’s time to have children, say, 5 or 7. She will sit home, take care of children and house… I will hang out with guys after work, drink beer or something… “, I want to ask- Who in the earth do you think you are? Are you a king or a smile of fortune or something? You, loser! Do you think it’s the life any woman dream of. No, women want to be loved, that’s it, simply to be loved. And if you love her, you’ll not care if she can make tea or wash your clothing. You even will be ready to do everything for her … forever.
Only if there is love or very strong friendship, people should get married. Otherwise it will be defective marriage where both spouses are unhappy.
I think the reason of the increasing number of loners is that more and more people want to be happy. But nobody would choose to be alone if he/she knows that there is a person with whom they feel themselves in the seventh heaven.
February 9th, 2012 at 7:11 am
Hi!
“Lonely was much better than alone.”
Toni Morrison, The Bluest Eye
February 9th, 2012 at 7:19 am
Hi!
“Apparently he though he deserved only to be loved – from a distance, though – and given what he wanted.
And in return he would be…what? Pleasant? Generous?
Maybe all he was saying was: I am not responsible for your pain; share your happiness with me but not your unhappiness.”
Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon
February 9th, 2012 at 7:22 am
Hi!
“Snowdrop and lamb, a pretty pair,
Braving the cold for our delight,
Both white,
Both tender.”
Christina Rossetti, February
February 9th, 2012 at 7:34 am
Hi!
“You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Don’t. It’s a bad word ‘belong’.
Especially when you put it with somebody you love. Love shouldn’t be like that.”
Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon
February 9th, 2012 at 7:47 am
Hi!
“Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain?
They circle all around it; sometimes you can’t even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what?
You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head.
His head pokes through, because the clouds let him; they don’t wrap him up.
They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him.”
Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon
February 9th, 2012 at 8:01 am
Hi! Dear Val, we are writing at the same time.
I agree with you. You are right.
Best wishes,
Tania
February 9th, 2012 at 9:23 am
Val, clearly and concese you have said what a girl or woman wants, but not only now I do think ever wants that…just to be loved by
her couple or husband, but in the past as you said it was nearly impossible.
Your description of a man has been absolutely desagreable to me. Knowing that this kind of man, person, exists it is something I
do not can resist.
Love are actions not words.
My mother always said: “Actions are love and not good reasons”
I do think the same like her and like you.
I have three daughters so it is easy to know what could they think about all this, and it is just what their mother Cuca and me have
taught to them along the years, not only with words but with actions either.
There is not the site to tell you my life now but be sure I am doing just what you said or hope from a man who truly loves his
wife.
Val yes, I agree with you absolutely and this feeling, truly love, it is just what joint two people to live together sometimes for ever till dead
separates them.
My best, emiliano
February 9th, 2012 at 1:53 pm
hey everybody i like this subject but sorry does anyone here knows about the music at the end of the eslpodcast i really like it
February 9th, 2012 at 11:52 pm
Val is absolutely right! The family must to be true!
February 10th, 2012 at 5:29 am
Hi! Dear Emiliano, and you are right : Actions are love and not good reasons.
And all opinions of our blog friends are O.K. Times are changing and our tastes, too. A real pleasure to know so many opinions on this universal problem.
Thank you to every body.
Best wishes,
Tania
February 10th, 2012 at 5:45 am
Hi! Home Alone. A very, very good comedy movie , in my opinion.
But I don’t like to be home alone. The house seems to be deserted… and at night, well, I’m afraid of the darkness of the night.
February 11th, 2012 at 6:52 am
Emiliano, I totally agree with you. The people should demonstrate their feelings primarily through actions. But it must be mutual. In our society even today(but I don’t know how it’s in Spain) woman in family must do much more then man. Woman must be good housewife, good mother, should always look good to be interesting for her husband. I understand that in the past the woman’s obligation was to sit home and to be a hearth keeper, and husband’s obligation was to make money. But nowadays women work just like men, they are tired after difficult workday not less then their husbands. And when I usually come to my friend’s house and see how she wash, scrub, cook after being at work all day and at the same time observe her husband idly lying on the couch, drinking beer and occasionally shouting to her: “Hey! Bring more chips”, I want to ask where the love and care is in their family. I know that there is no one kind of love. Love is diverse. But I am sure love must make both persons happy.
February 11th, 2012 at 5:44 pm
My main concern is that many old people are living alone at home these days. They are like abandoned by their children and by the society. This is true in Great Britain and Hong Kong. I don’t know about the situation in other parts of the world.
Once I heard from a lady that she and her English husband wanted to live in Hong Kong because old people could die in their own home in England and no one know. She was right, but she did not know that there were more and more single and even married old people in Hong Kong died at home without people knowing about it.
Only a few days ago, the news revealed two old couples died at home and were not discovered until at least a few days later. Their son only saw them about once a month to get back his letters from their flat.
When their son could not get an answer on the phone, was he thinking of the letters or his parents?
********************
It is ironic for me to find that while so many married people long for the precious moment of ‘home alone’, there are websites busy telling people how to correct themselves in order to stop being single.
One article I read from a suspected matchmaking website sites the “7 reasons you’re still single” as:
1. You’re not trying
2. You’re too fussy
3. You’re too busy to date
4. You’re a pessimist
5. You’re trying too hard
6. You’re unapproachable
7. You’re hung up on your ex
Do single people need to be told why they are single? Perhaps they want to be single in the first place.
I hate matchmaking companies.
Thank you very much indeed, Jeff. You are a good behaviourist.