Nice Guys Finish First, Then Become Bad
Several months ago Lucy explained an old saying (expression) in English, “Nice guys finish last.” The idea behind this saying is that in order to be a “winner” and to have power in a situation, you shouldn’t be nice to other people. If you are nice, other people will beat you by cheating or doing things that hurt you and their other competitors (the people they are trying to beat). But is this really true? A recent article in the Wall Street Journal discussed some research on leaders and those in power (those who have power in an organization), and the results may surprise you.
“People give authority to people they genuinely (really; honestly) like,” according to a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley. In most social and business settings (situations), people who are agreeable (don’t argue with others) and extroverted (open to talking to others; friendly) are the most respected and typically the most powerful. In other words, nice guys tend to (usually) finished first, not last. However, something happens after they have gained power, what psychologists call the “paradox of power.” A paradox is something that is self-contradictory, that is, something that contains two or more things that are opposite of each other, that don’t seem to agree or that work against each other. The paradox of power is that in order to be powerful, you must be kind, but once you are powerful, you change into someone who is no longer “nice.”
People in power or with authority are often less sympathetic to (understanding of) other people’s concerns and emotions. Now that they have power, it doesn’t seem important to them to be considerate (nice; careful to not harm) to other people. Why should they? They now have control of the situation and can do whatever they want. People who believe they are powerful are also more likely to believe that the normal rules of life and society don’t apply to (have to be followed by) them. For example, rich and powerful people (the two are often associated (connected)) may believe that everyone should follow the traffic laws (rules for driving) except them — they are important people, with important things to do, so they don’t need to follow the rules. Another word for this concept is arrogance, the idea that you are better than everyone else.
Is there a cure (solution; fix) for the paradox of power? Some psychologists argue that the only way to keep powerful people from abusing (misusing) their power is to have some sort of oversight. Oversight is when other people are watching what leaders are doing and criticize or correct them when they do something wrong. (The verb is to oversee, which is similar to the verb to supervise.) The problem with this solution, however, is that people in power often don’t think that they need any oversight, and use their authority to prevent other people from criticizing them!
~Jeff
Photo credit (Steve Jobs and Bill Gates): Wikipedia/Flickr CC
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August 26th, 2010 at 11:44 am
Thank you very much Jeff, you have enlightened my mind
now I can understand what have happened with our
President J.L.Rodriguez Zapatero.
So nice man to all, so big smile, so good “talante” every moment, so great “alianza de las civilizaciones”…so bla bla bla
that got millions of votes…
At this moment I prefer not to say anything about the final result.
Yes, all is related with the paradox of power, funny reason.
That´s right, all about this man has a scientific explanation ?…….now I am more relaxed.
It´s only a question of time to be free of him, but is he not responsible of his behaviour? sure?.¡ Funny¡.
Hummm, I have to think about this matter.
August 26th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
Yes. That’s very true. Many politicians say something during their election campaign and do something else after the election. This has been applicable to many politicians in many countries around the word.
This arises from two reasons. First, they may not believe to what they promise to their voters. Indeed, they lie to their people and deceive them to get their votes. Secondly, after get elected, they can’t do what they have promised to do, even if they want to do. In other world, they face the limitations of being in power that they haven’t faced before. So, they see that they can’t do what they believed were doable before. The problem is that, many politicians don’t, or can’t talk, about these limitations and restrictions with their own people.
Hope nice guys remain nice forever.
Ali-Iran
August 27th, 2010 at 3:48 am
Copper pipes is a very big test for a human being. Not every person can pass it with dignity and remain themselves as they were before
August 27th, 2010 at 4:21 am
well. hi everybody, thank you Dr.Jeff . interesting and beneficial article, at least it may come in handy for me in the future, now I know how to maintain my authority and control over people, quite a useful subject , isnt it ?? I know I may sound a little arrogant but …..there you go !!!!
I am kidding guys..! why would I do that?
August 27th, 2010 at 8:27 am
Dear Emiliano, you can’t know me, because I usually read the podcasts, but my English prevent me to partecipate in this blog. This time I’ll make an exception: I’m Italian, so the head of the government in Italy is Silvio Berlusconi. Do you know? How happy I’d be if he were Zapatero.
I won’t say anything else.
Ciao and thanks you all
August 27th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Hy Jeff,
We all like the nice guy that your are.
That’s why I hope you never come to power.
)
August 27th, 2010 at 9:08 am
In the age of Roman Empire, each time a Roman General won an important battle or a war he entered in Rome in a parade in which he was thanked the triumph by the Roman people. However, in the main carriage next to the General there was always a man who was constantly repeating him: Remember that you are just a man!
The research brought up by Dr. Jeff is going toward a point: the vanity and its unbelievable effects in the human nature, precisely an human characteristic that is able to change a determined human mind from being the finest personality to the most stupid one.
Maybe, the CEOs and the greatest politicians would need a person to remember them the dangers of considering themselves better than they really are. Nevertheless I have my wife to do such a task, and I think she does very well her job, because I realize I am just a lacklustre man in the end.
How about you?, Do you have someone to do such a task?
Best Regards from Spain,
Julio.-
August 27th, 2010 at 10:26 am
Clara, I know what you mean and I have to say that you are right and I agree with you absolutely, but living here I don´t dare
to say anything inappropriate about other persons or politicians out of my own country.
I think you have a lot of good reasons to say what you said.
I can´t understand how this politician in Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, have got so many votes in Italy.
May be he is the boss of nearly everything in your country?
Tv., newspaper, magazines……and so forth?, I hope here doesn´t happen the same…..but we are in the same way.
Thank you Clara, I would like to see you here soon and often.
Best regards.
August 28th, 2010 at 4:38 am
Hi! Oh, people in power! My boss, his boss, her boss… Everyone knows that too much power or wealth can make them to behave like fools. And I am sure that they need neurological assistant with the best medicines even drogs.
They suffer from insomnia. Indeed they work very hard and many hours per day forgetting their family. And if the business runs wrong… someone must be guilty.
Who? People in low power conditions. I agree with this article “How Power Affects Us?” It is true totally.
We have a saying : He forget where he came from.
I watched the movie and read the book ” The Devil Wears Prada” by Lauren Weisberger. I think the book is much better than the movie. I do not agree with the writer totally.
Still, a man or woman in power is a special and important person with special abilities and with a very strong capacity of working.
We have to tolerate them with their “sindrom of power” if we have strong nerves , the same force of working and if we are very competent.
If not, they can destroy us or our health. And they know that and can become our tyrant.
We have to be as strong as them or…to leave them.
But when the public is your boss? The public is the most nasty boss.
All the best for you all,
Tania
August 28th, 2010 at 4:44 am
I love eslpod, because i can learn too much. Instead of my english is not very well.
Congrulation for everybody.
Thanks Jeff and Lucy.
fabricio from Brazil
August 28th, 2010 at 5:00 am
Hi clara, to be honest I don’t know who of both is worst. I am sure both are “the same dogs with diferent collar”. What you must know is that Berlusconi is what he seems. he doesn’t mislead anybody, However, Zapatero seems one thing but is another diferent thing, he is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
And I also want to say to Emiliano that he must be worried because the Spaniards don’t get ride of him so much easily. Tthere are a lot of people misleaded for our president. I wish you are right, and this could be next election.
Greetings.
August 28th, 2010 at 6:19 am
Thanks a lot Emiliano and elcomandant. You are right in a lot of things, above all as you say why he’s got so many votes in Italy. Some people think that as he is so rich he’ll be able to improve the life of all of us; besides he’s got a fantastic ability as a showman and owns nearly everything in the mass media world, as you say. I don’t want to deepen this subject: I should go into detail so unpleasant and difficult to explain, but I assure you that many, many people are very worried about our future for a series of questions that are destroying morality, respect and dignity in our country. I invite you, that know the English language so well, to follow some international news on this point and you’ll find a lot of confirmation, also about wolf and sheep’s clothing.
Thanks Emiliano for your reply; sorry if I’ve got too familiar with you. And thank again for your encouragement to write again.
Best regards
August 28th, 2010 at 6:37 am
Hi! I think the word nasty is an improper word to characterize a boss. It sounds better the public is the most ungrateful boss referring to the artists.
August 28th, 2010 at 6:52 am
Hi! Yes, the chocolate is a delicacy for me and it makes me feel better when I work hard. But like coffee we should not eat too much daily. Anyway a good chocolate is very, very expensive.
August 28th, 2010 at 7:14 am
Hi! I was at the seaside (The Black Sea) at my relatives last week. They live not too far from the sea. At night I was hearing the flight of the seagulls, in the morning I was admiring the flocks of seagulls…English tea and even gourmet food in a lunch truck.
No, Dr. Jeff is everywhere.
August 28th, 2010 at 7:28 pm
nice people think alike
August 28th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
hello all………
Like where i live our rulers are full of hot air, they promise you that they will improve the modus vivendi and once you vote on them and they ascend the throne they turn into tigers after they we’re cats begging people and deluding them with a fib promises, they are in fact a delusions of grandeur….
in a nutshell, if u want to be nice, ur word must be ur bound and respect is mutual u have to give it to get it back…
thx for the lovely and appealing blog
best regards
August 29th, 2010 at 12:51 am
Hi!
Yes, it’s true, as in many countries. I think most people believe what they see and hear, so they seldom search or investigate about the individuals/ people that they are going to choose. On other hand the people in power before getting the power just try to get the position. So they promise and say words according to what people like/ want. But in power they forget people.
By the way I agree with Ali, too, as he said about the limitation and restriction of being in power.
Thanks’ Jeff. Keep your position in ESL Podcast team. Don’t think about power. Your team is the best, even without vote.
Good luck,
August 29th, 2010 at 4:14 am
Dear teachers
It is the best podcast ever taken. The subject is proper for those who still has not learned how to feel happy for the neighbor’s happiness. When a person get the position of boss, when a person take the charge on a company, when a person get the leadership of a group, they forget that they are dealing with people, and people have pains, have a soul, and they are not common animals. When you think to hurt someone, put yoursel in the place of him. If you think that will hurt you, don’t do that. It seems to be a cheap philosophy, and it is, but some lessons must be taken for a happier world. The thing is that our pain is not writen on a newspaper, it has no color, it can’t be felt by others. If you laugh when the misery knocks on others’ door, be ready for you to be the next one to have the same misery on your door, maybe one worse than that. Try to be happy when you neighbor is happy too. Your body will be thankfull, and your soul will get closer to you.
Aecio from Brazil
August 29th, 2010 at 9:31 am
I have to thank Jeff and Lucy by the opportunity that they give us of writting in this blog as much and often as we want.
Thanks a million Lucy and Jeff, I know you are nice guys for ever.
To me the blog has been always the unique site I like to write, and yes, it cost me a lot every day but I enjoy the effort greater and greater day after day.
At the begining when I first saw the blog I though …”a new idea from the ESL Team, nice and great but so difficult…” even thinking that I was feeling inside that I have to try.
On that moment what I had in mind was “I didn´t know how to write or about what matter but it´s necessary to write if I want to contribute to the Blog and it´s so good to improve my own English……”
Yes, that was my thought after seeing it, nearly three years ago?…I don´t remember now, but It´s true that day after day I have been here, and now the Blog is a part of me, of my own daily life….and my English is going better at the same time I feel good inside doing something I get a lot of fun.
Of couse it was very very difficult, and it is now, “with so many mistakes” that we saw after posting our notes, but it is always funny to read the posts with humor……very often a real disaster, but we could improve doing mistakes that´s for sure.
Writing is always a difficult task, even in our own language, and doing it well….nearly impossible. In other language is the most difficult task together with understanding the natural usual country´s talk of people.
So the ESL Team had the best idea when they founded the Blog, difficult but necessary if we want to improve and pour our ideas about the themes suggested by Warren, Lucy and Jeff.
Just now to me it´s difficult to write, if fact very difficult, but I enjoy the difficulties in doing something as I think “easy tasks are
boring” and I had enough easy and boring tasks when I was working in the Bank already.
Speaking so much I have a single meant, it is to say everyone just “write”
It doesn´t matter if you write well or badly, it could be worst at the begining but it would be better and funny very soon.
Clara, seeing you here again is really nice to me, it makes me happy.
Of course, be familar with everyone of us, we all are like friends and I am always familiar and easy going
with my blog friends and dear teachers.
Regards.
August 29th, 2010 at 9:37 am
Hi! I am opened for all kind of music. It was a pleasure listening to the English Cafe in ragtime music rythm. It remembers me of the silent movies or movies with Stan and Bran or Charlie Chaplin. Nice surprise!
And the last musical notes… give time to us thinking at all novelties found out. I think it is well received this new approach.
The Entertainer is a well-known melody but unfortunately I know nothing on Scott Joplin or ragtime music. Thank you.
August 29th, 2010 at 9:49 am
Hi! I can’t remember if I have watched the movie “Chinatown”. But as you mentioned the names Roman Polanski and Jack Nicholson … I have to watch this movie. Polanski is a great name in cinematography.
In accordance with our newspapers Polanski is involved in a new sexual scandal with a girl of 21 years old … and all at the Jack Nicholson ‘s house.
I feel a very bitter taste.
August 29th, 2010 at 9:54 am
Hi! After a bitter taste , “Home on the Range” brings us back the smile. I have never heard this state song. I like it.
August 29th, 2010 at 10:30 am
Hi! Interesting Lady Gaga on the 5th Anniversary Video Podcast. I can watch “Alejandro” on our TV Channel. But “Telephone” ? I don’t know.
Uncensured?
August 29th, 2010 at 10:52 am
Tania, welcome to the civilization……I would like to know The Black Sea, is it really black?…..
ja, ja, I don´t think so, but why this name?.
It seems you have a good time by hollidays. Bravo.
August 30th, 2010 at 6:52 am
Emiliano,what a push for me your words! Thanks, many thanks! For life I’ve wanted to be able to learn some language, but for many reasons I couldn’t to do it. Some years ago, by now several years ago, I ‘ve begun studying by myself, with a grammar and some cassettes tape of “Linguaphone” (do you know?) and I continued for years, always by myself, losing sleep. About four years ago I found Tule (in Italian Third University for Free Age) where voluntary teachers give their lessons to group of people at a very cheap cost. It took me all my cheek to go there: I never had spoken English to somebody. We were about fifteen people with an English teacher: I understood almost nothing, but I decided to continue and now magically I’m able to understand almost everything. About a years ago I found Esl, Jeff, Lucy, the intere team and all of you and when I can I read, listen to, and now I’m writing, but it’s terribly difficult: my memory and maybe my brain are full of holes! I go on, holding a dictionary at hand, any more to learn, but so that the holes don’t become too big. I don’t know how much time I’ll be able to attend this blog, but from time to time I’ll be here. Ciao,
Clara
August 30th, 2010 at 10:22 am
Clara, it is so nice to remember how we started to learn English that here is my memories too.
(May be it would be a good exercies to all of us to write about it, and I think that for our teachers rather interesting….to know
what our English fountains were).
I was 21 years old when I wanted to learn English. Here in Spain everybody at the school studied French by the 50/60 and 70
decades, me too, and even my daughters studied French at the primary studies.
I was a green dog studying English on the sixties, so no teachers, no school, nothing…..like you I got The Linguaphone method
that in six months it was possible to speak English, that was the advertising, ja,ja….
It was funny also trying to listen to the BBC radio by short wage, nearly imposible an of course I didn´t understand ever a single word
when listening to the BBC.
Afterward I had a course at a private academy and the teaching of work mate who had been in England by some years.
This work friend did the miracle with me, after working in the bank we went to her house and she taugh me by free along
a year more or less.
She said me…read, read, and more read aloud. Read by yourself aloud…..
Vocabulary and read, speak always in English easy phrases and so forth.
At the end I took and exam of English at the Bank, passed it and they sent me to The Gran Via Street in Madrid, to talk with
all the tourist of the world.
Along five years I attended every one who wanted to change money, cheques, travel cheques, payment orders….some
information about where The Prado Museum or The Retiro were and so on.
I talked with people from everywhere of the world, that was incredible funny and nice, but too much work always.
Yes, on those years I spoke better English than now, but it was as funny as we could say or understand words that I didn´t
know how they were written.
Just the contrary of everybody who study English as I could speak and understand better than to write or to read.
Now I don´t speak anything, just a pity, but I could read and write better than before.
We have The Blog, Jeff and Lucy and the English is alive for ever in our lifes.
Never I have been in an English Speaking Country…. but I used my English in Germany, Czech Republic, Turquia, Italy and In
France too.
It is so good to travel and have the posibility of talking with people of the country you are visiting, I have lot of memories about this
even and it is something you could never forget.
That´s my English story, thank you Clara, it has been a pleasure to remember it by your good influence telling us yours.
All the best for you and good luck.
August 30th, 2010 at 10:53 am
Hi! Very good, dear Clara. We are waiting for you.
Dear Emiliano, thank you very much. The Black Sea is very blue and nice but there is a scientific explanation for its name.
August 31st, 2010 at 6:19 am
It’s just a pleasure talk with you. Thanks. See you soon (I hope)
Clara