Calling People by Their First or Last Names
QUESTION:
Ryan in China wants to know when it is acceptable to call people by their first names and by their last names.
ANSWER:
Americans tend to allow (and prefer) others to call them by their first names in many or most situations. With friends and family, nearly everyone calls each other by their first names, unless they are your mother (Mom, Mommy, Mother, etc.), father (Dad, Daddy, Pop, etc.), or other older relations (for example, “Grandma” or “Uncle”). We normally call our siblings (brothers and sisters), cousins, nieces and nephews (children of our siblings) by their first names.
Friends almost always call each other by their first names, or by a nickname (a funny or familiar name). However, men who are friends sometimes call each other by the last name. Women don’t usually call each other by their last names, and men speaking to women and women speaking to men don’t call each other by their last names either. I might say to Jeff, “Hey, McQuillan, are you buying me lunch today?,” but usually this is done in a joking way, with me trying to sound more commanding (in charge) or masculine (like a man). You may hear both men and women called by their last names at work, however, where the environment is male-dominated or has been traditionally dominated by men, even if it’s less so now, such as in newsrooms (where newspapers and news magazines are written and produced) and factories (where products are made by hand or by machines).
Generally, in a work situation, people who are colleagues (working together, usually at the same level of responsibility) tend to call each other by their first names, not “Mr. McQuillan” or “Ms. Johnson.” We even call our bosses by their first names most of the time.
One exception is if we are talking about someone in a higher position to someone outside of the company or organization. For instance, a secretary or administrative assistant may call his/her boss by his first name face-to-face, but call him “Mr. Gomez” to outsiders: “If you’d like to meet with Mr. Gomez, he’s free between 3:00 and 5:00 tomorrow afternoon.” Often when we meet a boss or someone in a higher position in our own company/organization or another company/organization for the first time, it’s safer to use “Mr.” or “Ms.” until that person tells us to call him/her by their first name. This type of conversation is very common:
You: “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Kim.”
Boss: “Call me Ann.”
If you are a student, you almost never call your teacher or professor by his/her first name. In elementary school, junior high school, or high school, you would call your teachers “Mr.” or “Ms.”/”Mrs.” (unless they have a Ph.D. degree, then see below) and their last name. My third-grade teacher was Mrs. Frame and my high school Spanish teacher was Mr. Lopez. We don’t call them “Teacher,” “Master,” or any other terms used in other countries. If you are in college or at the university, you would use the titles “Dr.” (doctor) or “Professor.” (Sometimes graduate students getting advanced degrees are invited by their professors to call them by their first names.) When Jeff was teaching at the university, Jeff’s students called him “Dr. McQuillan” or “Professor McQuillan.”
That’s probably more than you wanted to know, Ryan, but I hope that helps.
~ Lucy
March 9th, 2010 at 10:56 am
When I was at the school being a boy the teachers called us by second name always, it was like rule to do it much more impersonal, Just to fix the distances between teachers and students.
For good or for bad I don´t know, but there was more respect.
Now all is different, students call their teacher by their first names and vici versa, trying to do it more familiar or friendly, but I don´t know if this is a good method.
At work it depends if there are two or three persons with the same names, Antonio, Luis, Angel, Jose / Maria, Ana, Luisa…..and so on. Then it could be difficult to know which Maria or José are you calling, so it is frequently to call persons by their second names if it is not very common too. Sometimes it´s necessary to name them with first and second if you are refering to some with another friend…., very complicated and without rules much of the time.
About me, with so odd name that I don´t have ever been with another emiliano in the same place, not any problem. Everyone call me by the first and all know which was the person they were talking about or where I was at the moment, and so on.
So please, Is there any other emiliano in the blog?. If so, please tell me it should be the first time and I would be glad to say him hello, how are you?.
Well, of course with the only emiliano I was in the same place was my father and it was just a conflict to know which of us were calling for, so for years they used the diminutive with me that I hated, so I´m not going to say you.
March 9th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Hello,
I am a teacher in France ( Physic and chemical teacher) in secondary school. Just before “baccalauréat”. My students are 15, 16, 17 and 18 years old.
I always call them with first name. But sometime when I am not satisfied, Grrrrrrr, I used to call them with their first and last name. (Not very often).
All my students call me “Mr”. It’s a mark of respect. a distance they prefered to have. It’s a natural way in France.
I am not another emiliano, but I said emiliano: hello, I am glad to read you and I’like to write and certainly speak like you.
Sorry for my bad english. I try to be better.
Bye bye
March 9th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Hello Michel, enchanté.
I think that in France there is a better style of teaching that here in Spain those days.
When I was young I studied some French at the school but not enough and I always wanted to learn more and more, French sounds so well to me.
Even I knew a beatiful girl from Lille that was one of my first love, bur it was impossible to continue.I think that Cuca was awaiting for me.
Mercy beaucou, Michel, c´est un plaisir.
March 9th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
Thank You Miss Tse
March 10th, 2010 at 4:00 am
Hi everybody and Emiliano,
I have one of my best friend who called Emilien (I’m french). It’s not a name very used here, you’re right!
What was your diminutive that you hated? I could “tease”him kidding…
Cheers.
March 10th, 2010 at 6:02 am
Hi,
In Poland, when children are in Primary or Seconary School, teachers call them by the first name. It’s, like Michel said, a mark of respect.
But when we are a students, teachers use ours last names. (Student is an adult person and he/she should be treated like an adult).
March 10th, 2010 at 7:44 am
Well, I live in Brazil. And here, we used to call other peole by the first name.
Only at work, its common to call other people by their last name.
Mainly if they were a doctor.
Like lawyers and medics.
If you are in Army you shoul be called by your last name too.
So, at school.
In primary, secondary and terciary.
We used to call teachers by “professor” for men.
And “professora” for women.
Without speaking their names after the word “professor”.
And little children used to call their teacher by “tia” for women.
And “tio” for men.
“Tio” means uncle.
Theres no sense in this.
The teachers are not uncles of the children.
But soon the little children change to “professor”.
Because the teachers prefers “professor”.
And, finally.
“Emiliano” its a common name here.
So dont fell alone, Emiliano
(Sorry for my english)
March 10th, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Hellow Reza and Eryck.
I didn´t think emiliano was a common name in Brazil, that´s very good, thank you Eryck.
Reza, I have to confess that I dislike too much the diminutive and I have to quarreled a lot to vanish it from the family calling
but now I tell you, It was emilianito, long, too long and I think it was my mother who used it so frequently.
When I was a teenager I told her and the rest of the family, please don´t call me so.
Emilien is nice, I like it much more than mine and I think it sounds better.
I promissed that if I have a child it was for sure that we don´t call him or her the same name like the mother or father.
And we did so.
None of my daughters have the same name of Cuca (Maria José her real name but I never call her so, only if I am a little serious with her I may call
her this way…..doing so she inmediately thinks what is the matter now? ).
March 10th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
hi, i’m from guatemala. we used to call our teachers profesor for a male wich means teacher and seño for a female ( its short for both señora or señorita) wich means mrs and miss respectively and then you would say their first name. among students we used to call each other by nicknames ( its funny how almost everyone in guatemala has a nickname, and even funnier how accurate they could be) good thing that the person who gets the nickname dont usually get offended by it , instead they find it funny and get used to it!
March 11th, 2010 at 6:44 am
hello,
i’m an engineer for testing low voltage cabinets ,and working at a foreign company.here, we used to call our colleagues by the last name,however ,it’s kindness and more closer with them.sometimes ,we use the fist name and “engineer” to call sb,such as Engineer Wu, etc. mabye it’s only a respect call.
March 11th, 2010 at 8:14 am
Hello!
As Emiliano says correctly, the teachers are called by their first name in Spanish schools. I prefer the French model: to call teachers by their last name, because it is very important that pupils have respect to their teachers. I remember when I was young I called teachers Mister/Miss+last name, but today I see my children talking to teachers using the first names. I don´t know if it is good or bad, sometimes I think I am becoming old…
Emiliano, I think you are unique because you are very polite and you make this blog very interesting with your opinions. I don´t meet anyone with your name but, there is a little village in the north of Spain, closed the Cantabric mountains, called San Emiliano (in the province of Leon).
Due to my name is very usual in my country, some of my friends call me by the last name but I have always preferred to be called by my first name, it looks more warm and friendly.
Thank you Ryan for this interesting question and Lucy for her answer.
March 11th, 2010 at 10:47 am
Thank you very much Roberto, you are really very kind and also thanks to show me this new little village in Leon of which just now I have been seeing some photographs. It´s really very beautiful and it´s situated in “Bavia” the place where the old Kings of Leon went in summer and if anybody asked for them the reply was that “they were in Bavia” a common place where we use to be now
when we are out of the reality. Knowing where these phrases come from is quite interesting, and reading about San Emiliano I have learn it, it´s really funny. I did not know anything about this village and I would like to go and see it if possible, I think it´s near one of the most beautiful
mountains here in Spain, “Los Picos de Europa”.
When a boy or a young man one of my dreams was to write, just be a writer, but I think it is really very difficult an impossible to me so I was always sending letters everywhere, to the distant relatives in Argentina, some friends who where in USA or Ireland, and so on. It was funny as the result was that some sisters and brother of my mother came here to Spain after going to Argentinan and being there for long without returning to Spain. They came and saw again their country, the letters were helpful to do that.
Now Lucy and Jeff have gave me the great opportunity of writing my thoughts here and I´ll be always grateful to them by this so marvelous Blog and the free option of writing every day. Thank you Jeff and Lucy, my teachers my friends.
Looking at the Blog every morning and evening, reading all the opinions and writing so many times, it is just one of the best moments of my daily life. Where is the man who invented Internet that I want to give him my big Thanks?. My dream is fulfilling now.
March 11th, 2010 at 11:55 am
Hello, again!
Emiliano, you are a source of wisdom. I didn´t know the mean of the verb TO FULFILL and after reading your reply I have founded it in a dicitionary. I hope don´t forget this beatiful word.
Thank you Emiliano for your comments in this blog.
March 12th, 2010 at 7:22 am
Hi Lucy ,
Damn ,nice to read your impecceble post again
How is it going Prof
say hello to Jeff for me
you Guys made me totally fluent Believe me or not ,under the pressure English come rushing to me first. English keeps getting in the way ,while expressing myself in my supposadly mothrer tongue. u made it possible ,nothing else just You and Jeff. Again,who are you people?
Love you Guys
by the way ,Lucy
I got one chinees girlfriend just recentlly, she so damn cute.interestingly enough , Her name is lucy .She is 23 ,just finished college. and She sounds like you I mean totally American. No accent what so ever
it is funny
March 12th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Hello everyody!!!!
Here in Brazil we aways call our teachers by their first names. Even if the teacher have an Ph. D, or any other degree.
We’re very very informal.
March 13th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Hi ! We learn a lot of new things from the Americans especially the team working where everyone calls each other by their first name but with very precise tasks .
We use “Mr.”or “Ms.” for the older persons , our bosses , medical man/ doctor .
We never say : Hi , Doc ! Just between the friends . We use to say : Good morning Mr. doctor or Mr. lawyer .
In school , we call our teachers “Mr.”or “Ms.” and their last name . Among pupils , they use to say “the English Prof ” without his last name . And it sounds nicely “to Sir with love ” .
In our blog , I write respectfully Dr. Lucy and Dr. Jeff and not Dr. McQuillan or only Lucy or only Jeff . I feel you are closer to me .
All the best for you all ,
Tania
April 23rd, 2010 at 3:12 am
I do not really understand exactly why people in Western countries and in the United States are called by their last name (family name). In Vietnam, if you do so, the 70% of Vietnamese people will be called the same name Mr. or Ms. Nguyen (Nguyen is the most frequent family name in my country). Therefore, we would rather call each other by his/her first name (given name). I am a fan of football, and I always wonder why there is only one fooball player with the family name Beckham, Rooney, Barry, Gerrad, Lampard in the whole country of Great Britain.
Please explain the fact to me.
May 15th, 2010 at 3:52 am
Hello! Here, in former USSR, we call our teachers and other older people by their first plus middle name, never- by last name. And we don’t add any words like Mr. , Ms. and so forth. Addition of middle name is the most polite way to call somebody. But we usually call our relatives, friends and people who has the same age or younger, by their first name.