Henny Youngman was a comedian most famous and popular in the U.S. in the 1950′s. He was known for his one-liners, which are short, simple jokes that are usually delivered (said) quickly. We talked about perhaps his most famous joke in the Learning Guide for English Cafe 47. His jokes are still told today.

Friday’s ESL Podcast 379 is called “A Routine Medical Procedure.” If you need to see the doctor, I hope you don’t see one of these!

~ Lucy

The doctor says, “You’ll live to be 60!”
The patient says, “I am 60!”
The doctor says, “See, what did I tell you (what I told you was right)?”
…
A doctor says to a man, “You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run 10 miles a day.”
Two weeks later, the man called the doctor.
The doctor says, “How is your love life since you have been running?”
“I don’t know, I’m 140 miles away!”
…
The doctor says to the patient, “Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window.”
“What will that do?” asks the patient.
The doctor says, “I’m mad (angry) at my neighbor!”
…
Doctor says to a man, “You’re pregnant (going to have a baby)!”
The man says, “How does a man get pregnant?”
The doctor says, “The usual way – a little wine, a little dinner….”
…
Nurse: “Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to (told was completely healthy) dropped dead right (immediately; at the moment) as he was leaving the office”.
Doctor: “Turn him around. Make it look like he was walking in.”
…
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

* Cartoon: Funny has two meanings. It means something that makes you laugh and something that is strange or feels strange. Ridiculous = silly; absurd

This has been an unpredictable (uncertain) week for me so far, mostly because I am on jury duty. A jury is a group of people (usually 12 in the United States) who decide whether someone is guilty or innocent in a court case. If someone commits a crime, they may have to go to trial, meaning to go in front of a judge and defend themselves. In most cases in the U.S., the decision belongs not to the judge, but to the jury. To be a juror (someone who sits on or who is a member of a jury), you need to be a U.S. citizen, over 18 years old, and able to speak and understand English. There is no test to determine your English level, however, at least not here in California. That is decided by the judge, which is a strange way to make such an important decision, but that’s the current system.

Potential jurors are chosen at random from the citizens of an area, although you are normally only called once every 12 months, usually less (some people are never called for jury duty). I have been called for jury duty once before, about two years ago. Here in Los Angeles, you are sent a letter – called a jury summons – with a special number to call. For one week, you must call the number each evening. If the court needs jurors for the next day, then you are required to go to the courthouse (the place where trials take place) and report for duty. You are put into a smaller group, and when the judge needs jurors, he or she will ask that group to come into his or her courtroom (the room in the courthouse where the trial is).

Today is Wednesday, and so far I have not been asked to report for duty. I have two more days before my on call service is over. (To be on call means that you must be available to do something when you are called or notified.) I won’t know until tonight whether I have to go tomorrow. If I do, I’ll let you know what happens!

~Jeff

“Weed” is the name of a small town in California with about 3,000 residents (people who live there). “Weed” is also a slang or informal term for marijuana, an illegal plant whose leaves are dried and smoked. “Weed” is the name of a beer made by a small brewery (factory where beer is made) in the city of Weed that is in trouble with the U.S. Government.

The reason the company is in trouble is that the company uses the slogan (short phrase to sell a product) on its beer bottle caps that reads: “Try Legal Weed.” The government says that the slogan is talking about using marijuana, which is illegal, and has told the company to stop using the slogan. If it doesn’t, the company could be fined (punished by having to pay money) or be sanctioned (legally not allowed to do certain things).

The man who owns the brewery says that he used the slogan only to grab (to get) attention. Besides, he says, the town was named after a man named Abner Weed who founded (started) the town, and not after the marijuana plant.

According to the government agency, the label is a problem because:
“We consider it to be a drug reference (saying one thing when you mean something else), and find it to be false (not true) and misleading (giving the wrong idea) to the consumer in terms of what may or may not be the properties (characteristics; parts) contained within that product…”

What do the people of the town think?

“It’s just plain goofy (silly) to me the federal government is making so much of a fuss (unnecessary excitement and interest) over this,” said Chuck Sutton, Weed’s mayor (elected leader of the town). “I can sort of (partly; kind of) understand their point, but it all seems a little overboard (too much).”

Read the full story from the Los Angeles Times.

~ Lucy